Mark Jackson Feels The Love... and the Heat
by Tom Kertes
NEW YORK, NY, September 14, 2004 - That people around the NBA are tall and talented are two general givens. But we didn’t discover that they are also extremely funny until last night’s Mark Jackson Celebrity Roast at mid-Manhattan’s “W” Hotel.
Dean Martin -- before, after, or during his fifth martini -- didn’t have a thing over these guys.
“I’m not worried,” the onetime great Knicks point guard (who clearly was) said before the beginning of the festivities. “Most of these guys will be using material I gave them. I’m a part time comedian anyway. I’ll be ready. And it’s for a great cause.” All of the evening’s proceeds went to the Little Princess Foundation and Kingdom’s Kids, “a children’s camp in Atlanta that goes about things the right way,” according to Mark. The pre-Roast mood was so festive that Patrick Ewing decided to talk to the press. “I just got a call to be here,” he said. “And Chuckie is such a good friend that, well, I am here.” But why did he call Mark “Chuckie”? “Charlie Brown, of course!” Ewing thundered. “That big head!”
The fabulous turnout to honor him -- over 700 guests from all walks of life -- probably made Mark’s head even bigger. After 98.7 KISS FM DJ Talent introduced Mark Phillips -- one of the nation’s leading jazz saxophonist was out o’ sight -- and Jax’s gifted wife Desiree sang “The Wind Beneath My Wings”, a celebrity auction ensued. A Magic Johnson signed jersey and ball went to Jalen Rose – for $7,500! Ewing copped a Gary Sheffield signed Yankee MVP Louisville Slugger. Rose then also won an Alexis Gianni Man’s Fur for $4,000 – and gave it to Mark Jackson. “It’s the least I can do,” a near-teary Rose said.
Talent then read a congratulatory fax from an out-of-the-country Dikembe Mutombo AS Dikembe Mutombo. It was hilarious -- Dikembe himself couldn’t have done it better.
Now the hardcore roasting began. Comedian Bowlegged Lou kicked things off by recalling how Mark (and best friend Dave Snowden) invited him to participate in a Celebrity Basketball Game (“where Mark and Dave kept all the profits”). Lou was amazed how Mark became No. 2 in NBA history in assists (“Mark told me to make sure I mention that”). Finally, the Bowlegged One cited that Mark’s mom was from one of the islands. “Riker’s!”
Lou Carnesecca, Mark’s college coach at St. John’s, maintained that all the criticism of Mark’s game was “so unfair”. “People said first, he’s slow. Second, he can’t shoot. Third, he can’t defend. When in fact, first, he couldn’t defend. Second, he couldn’t shoot. And third, he was slow.”
“But one thing he could do was WIN, everywhere he went,” concluded Carnesecca.
Knicks trainer Mike Saunders, who was seen practicing his speech -- hard -- before the roast, brought down the house. “I’ve known Mark for going on 20 years,” he said. “I love him -- and I think he feels the same way. I always told him there isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do for him. He told me the same thing. And, in fact, for 20 years we haven’t done a thing for each other.” Saunders then introduced Rockets’ (and onetime Knicks) coach Jeff Van Gundy as “Stan’s brother”.
“I see Alonzo Mourning left early,” the very dry Van Gundy observed. “He was afraid I’d finish him off from seven and a half years ago when I was attached to his leg. I saw the fear in his eyes.” “Everything with Yao Ming is a Chinese saying,” added Van Gundy who coached Mark at Houston last season. “After a game, when Baron Davis repeatedly burnt Mark, Yao came over to me and said: ‘Coach, the Chinese saying is either Baron Davis is very fast, or Mark Jackson is very slow.’”
Rick Pitino, Mark’s coach when he was a rookie with the Knicks, recalled how Mark’s fellow point guard, Rod Strickland, was simply incapable of showing up on time. “And tonight, he had the audacity to bid on a watch!” Pitino said.
A visibly emotional Jackson spoke last. “It’s not about money, it’s not about riches,” he said. “How much stuff can you have, anyway? It’s about night like this and friends like this. The impact we can make -- THIS is wealth.” Then Mark got serious(ly funny). “Finally, Rod Strickland started to show up on time for morning practices,” he recalled. “When I asked him how he managed it, he said “Dude, I came from the club!”
