quotes

This is a list of quotes we compiled from family fun day on Wednesday. Events included the businessman's special Braves Game vs. the Natspos, drinks at the Buckhead Diner with Jared, the best bartender in Atlanta, and see the Dude and the Red Dirt Band play at Smith's.


-"Do you really think that Connor's bathroom is cleaner than a gas station?"

-Usher: "Do you have tickets for those seats?"
Jman: "No"
Usher: "Ok"

-random guy: "What were you thinking wearing a dark shirt on a day like today?"
Jman: "Nah man, it's dri-fit. I don't sweat"

-Bobby Cox: "Damnit Langerhans! I put you in for one day and you sitting there talking to tits in the stands"

-(in regards to Jorge Sosa) Orhayhay Osasay....greatest pig latin name ever!

-"Connor Rand and the Jew Clan"

- B-20-B H20 (boob water)

- "we're in permagrin mood all day"

- "Am I the only one that hopes, for the sake of everyone else that Lacy only ever has boys?"

- Sarah to her roomate "Lacy you Jorge, shut your legs and go get me a DC"

- "Jeremy come here....I need to talk to you (long pause) I need male attention..."

- "Red, green, yellow, blues is cool. Black is good for when you're writing in school."

- "I don't like to talk about my flair"

- person:
person 2: Why are you so exasperated?
person: Oh I'm not, my brain just need oxygen

- "You only live once... I say to myself at 2pm...while I'm still in my pj's watching a Real World episode which I've seen no less than four or five times before."

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

Well it's official. almost. 25 years ago at 7:27am on 7/27 Jeremy was born. The Jman was born around the summer of 2001. Anyways, I had a great time at Moe's n Joe's and pictures will be up at Hank Jamaica tomorrow. What I would like to say is thankyou to Annie, Kevin, Sarah, Connor and Lacy for coming out. As Lacy stated "St.Elmo's Fire hadn't hung out in awhile".

Revised schedule:
Tomorrow: Six Feet Under around 8:00 (hopefully on porch), then Buckhead afterwards. i want to kick some ass at pool.

Thursday: Watch the Braves beat the Natspos and then watch the dude open for Robert Bradley's Blackwater Surprise at Smith's Olde Bar.

Friday: Who the hell knows

Saturday: Oysterfest

waxing poetic

"Old man look at my life, Twenty four and there's so much more" -Neil Young

Countdown is at 3 hours left until my youth is over. However my vacation has officially started.

The Mike Vick Experience

I keep seeing and hearing people question Mike Vick as a QB. Some compain that his QB Rating was 78.1, some say that he runs too much, that he's not a West Coast system quarterback. The problem is, Vick is never gonna be a guy you can measure with stats. He's one of those rare players that makes everyone around him better. I can't really think of another guy in the NFL like him. However I would say that it's very similar to what Shaq and Duncan do in the NBA. They get tons of open shots and easier looks for their teamates but that doesn't show up in their assists column. They change how the other team has to play defense, causing double teams and forcing the perimeter defenders to cheat towards the paint. Vick completely alters the normal assignments of all eleven defenders. Safeties have to watch receivers but also worry about running down #7. Defensive ends can't go full speed around the corner, linebackers have to spy.etc.

In addition to the actual game Vick, Shaq and Duncan are guys that free agents want to play with. If I'm a free agent I want to play with the guy who's going to get me on Monday Night Football three times a year.

Vick is also a leader. His teamates believe he can accomplish anything at anytime. He just has the cal demeanor but also an intensity to win that is infectious in the huddle.

I just ask that you judge Mike Vick the same way everyone judges Tom Brady. On wins and losses. And as a starter I've seen few better than the winning percentage Vick has put up in his first four years.

Silly Crows

drinky-crow
Originally uploaded by beefcakejcc.

I saw a peanut stand,
Heard a rubber band,
I saw a needle that winked its eye.
But I think I will have seen everything
When I see an elephant fly.

I saw a front porch swing,
Heard a diamond ring,
I saw a polka-dot railroad tie.
But I think I will have seen everything
When I see an elephant fly.

I seen a clothes horse he r'ar up and buck
And they tell me that a man made a vegetable truck
I didn't see that I only heard
But just to be sociable I'll take your word

I heard a fireside chat
I saw a baseball bat
And I just laughed till I thought I'd die
But I'd been done seen about everything
When I see an elephant fly.

free music

Regynyouth may be the greatest site ever. Just keep scrolling down and check out all the albums you can download completely free. I don't how this site is still up. But I guess, enjoy it while you can. There are help articles down the right side of the page if you can't figure it out.

Back from Indy

Back from Indy
Originally uploaded by beefcakejcc.

So I went to Indianapolis for a trade show last weekend. I'd never want to live there, but it's actually set up pretty nice for a convention or sporting event. Downtown the RCA Dome, Convention Center, and Conseco Fieldhouse, and their huge minor league baseball field are all within about 5 blocks. In between those venues are a bunch of restaurants, brew pubs, a mall, and hotels. You don't really need a rental car. Supposedly the hip part of town is Broad Ripple and it's about 5-6 miles northeast of downtown, so you'd probably want to take a cab anyways.

We drove by the Indianapolis Motor Speedway on Sunday (saw it on the flight in on Thursday). This thing is massive. I can't remember ever being so enamored with a man made structure before. The track is 2.5 miles around and there are bleachers the whole way around and it seats 250,00 people. It's just huge. I can't even imagine what it's like on race day. Of course this is the only thing worth seeing in Indianapolis unless there is a David Letterman or Larry Bird statue somewhere that I missed.

My new annual birthday week long extravaganza vacation starts in 28 hours with the Old School Nasty basketball game. I'm looking to finally break the 20 point barrier. More importantly though I'm looking for double digit rebounds and a combo of at least 5 blocks and steals. I want to become a slower, lazier, more sane Dennis Rodman. Actually that's not true at all. I just want to be Arvydas Sabonis.

When did Oprah get a cactus?

oprah cactus
Originally uploaded by beefcakejcc.

Did anyone see this ad to the right? This is just puzzling. How did Oprah get credit for this cactus? Here is the link to the site which is less than informative.

Old Book Idea

I'm leaving for NAMM (National Association of Music Merchandisers) in Indianapolis tomorrow morning where I will hopefully get a few pictures of C list rockstars (saw Billy Ray Cyrus last year) that I can post on the Hank Jamaica site. In the meantime I wanted to leave something that could be commented on for awhile.

A couple of years ago, while in Charleston, we started an ongoing joke that we later thought might be a good idea for a book. It's basically a ripoff of You Might Be A Redneck but having more to do with gayness. Thus the idea for the Homophobics Guide to Heterosexuality was born. There were many contributors but I'm just going to try an rattle off as many as I can remember.

Some are born with gayness. Some achieve gayness. Others have gayness thrust upon them.

If you know any color that wasn't in the original Crayola 8 pack. You're gay. For example something is blueish-green not teal.

If you've ever cooked indoors, you're gay.

Anesthesia is gay. Bite on a bullet like the rest of us.

Allergies are gay.

If you've ever ordered a salad, you're gay.

If your shampoo and conditioner come in separate bottles, you're gay.

Hair gel is gay.

Stretching is gay.

It's understood that popped collars, rings, necklaces, silk shirts, and frosted tips are gay.

i'm a geek

In news that would only interest me Myspace sold for $580 million. What I found interesting was that myspace.com is the "fifth most widely viewed domain". So I'm guessing that would put it behind ebay, amazon, cnn, yahoo, and google maybe. Which means more people visit myspace than say espn.com. Which I find extremely weird since I probably only know 4 people who had ever heard of myspace before. In case you didn't know myspace is like Friendster only there are a lot more people on it. Here is my profile, feel free to leave any rude remarks. Like the profile of LC I posted earlier, there are actually some interesting profiles to be found on the site. I saw a thread on a message board awhile back where they had a bunch of SEC football players profiles. For example here is Tristan Davis, the Auburn cornerback, not douchebag brother of one Sebastian Davis.

the weez

the weez
Originally uploaded by beefcakejcc.

So I watched the second episode of Minding the Store last night. In which he's preparing to go do a comedy set in Austin. However he meets with his sex therapist before the trip. They establish a goal or as they describe it a "contract with himself" that Paul will go both days in Austin without having casual sex. This is so hard for Pauly that he must call his therapist after the show when he gets too turned on from talking to girls in the autograph line. SCREW YOU! I've been hearing about his exploits for about five years now but it's still hard to believe. Sure, I can understand back when he was on MTV for about 10 hours a week but what the hell has he done lately? Are you telling me that hot girls in their twenties caught Son In Law or Jury Duty on FX and decided if they ever met him in person that had to get a piece of that?

Also the show isn't funny but it's a pain in the ass to get the $1 that he promised. You have to write your own letter, find the address , and send a self addressed stamped envelope to receive a check for $1.

From Punk'd:

Ryan Pinkston : Pauly Shore. What happened, man?
Pauly Shore : What happened to what?
Ryan Pinkston : Your career.
Pauly Shore : I'm taking a little break.
Ryan Pinkston : For eight years?

Startling Discovery

gulf
Originally uploaded by beefcakejcc.

I know this is a bit of an old man rant but I don't care. I paid $2.39/gallon for gas on Friday. I'm currently averaging about 24 miles/gallon. That means it costs a little over $1 to drive ten miles. I've never really thought about it like that before. I've got a 30 mile roundtrip to work. That means I'm spending around $15 a week just to get to work. That blows! No telling how much the Crafty Veteran spends. If gas rises that much more Marta is about to become a viable alternative. If they had wireless internet access I'd be completely sold.


-What in the hell is up with the ads to the right? I mention Seinfeld in passing and thus it generates ads for comedy hypnosis shows? Who the hell is browsing a web page and thinks to themselves "You know what I really do enjoy the humerous hypnotist, maybe I should click on this link and see if one is coming to a venue near me anytime soon."

Old School Nasty TV Awards

Best Sports announcer: Hubie Brown
Worst Sports announcer: Joe Morgan
Team: Franklin and Gottfried
Best Studio: Kenny Smith
Worst Studio: Chris Berman
Hottest Chick: Katherine Heigl
Best Sporting Event: Pistons/Pacers Artest Melee
Funniest Show: Arrested Development
Best Reruns: Family Guy
Funniest Character: Buster Bluth. I will not argue this. If you haven't seen all of season 2 of Arrested Development then you have no clue.
Best Eye Candy: Laguna Beach. Check out LC's page on Myspace. There are some funny pictures on there. And it seems to be her actual page. And yes I realized that I just name a show featuring exclusively highschool girls as having the best eye candy on tv.

Also I'm officially tired of reading and hearing "Hug it out".

Emmy Nominations

So the Emmy nominations were announced this morning. Of course I have some opinions about them.

Comedy Series: They have this category about right. However, I have my doubts that anyone actually watches Will & Grace anymore. Arrested Development should win this category but I'm sure they'll give it to I've Never Laughed at Raymond.

Drama Series: Of the 5 I only watch 24 and Lost. Out of those two I would say that Lost was the clear winner this year. I think the real competition is which was better between the first season of 24 and Lost. I'm going 24 because Lost didn't answer enough questions in an effort to have something to work with for season 2.

Oustanding Lead Actress in a Comedy: Give me a friggin break. Yes Desperate Housewives may have been entertaining for about 5 episodes but we are not talking about the landmark comedy of our time. Thus I would say that it doesn't warrant 3 actresses getting nominated. I also was not aware that Malcom in the Middle was still on the air.

Lead Actor in a Drama: tad bit ridiculous that Matthew Fox (Lost) wasn't nominated. Also am I the only person on earth without HBO and apparently missing out on every great show of the past 5 years. I love Curb and seen just about every episode but I've completely missed out on Sopranos, 6 feet, Entourage, Deadwood etc. Although I'm very glad I missed out on Sex in the City. Thank god that when I'm forced to watch it now on TBS I don't have to see old woman boob.

Reality Series: Amazing Race is the only one of these shows that I didn't catch at least a few episodes of. And I'm pretty sure it deserves to win.

I"m going to throw out some traditional and non-traditional emmy awards for people to nominate entries for and officially have the Old School Nasty TV Awards tomorrow.

Best Sports announcing team
Worst Sports announcing team
Best Studio Analyst
Worst Studio Analyst
Funniest Show
Funniest character
Best "Eye Candy" Show
Best Reality Show
Best Televised Sporting Event of the Past Year (single game)
Hottest Chick on TV
Best Reruns
Most Underrated Show
more as I think of them....

Outstanding News

http://tv.zap2it.com/tveditorial/tve_main/1,1002,271|96326|1|,00.html

Apparently Comedy Central is going to start showing reruns of Scrubs starting this fall. After watching the Season 1 DVD again I gotta say I'm rather excited. Is it the best show ever? No. Is it highly entertaining and a good way to spend thirty minutes? Yes. I would say the success of the show relies on the fringe characters: the janitor, the Todd, Dr. Kelso, Hooch, Ted the Attorney, Jordan and some good guest appearances Heather Graham, Tom Cavanagh (Ed), Michael J. Fox.

It's going to be good to have another sitcom in syndication to check out from time to time. If you can't wait I'd pick up the DVD of Season 1.

and here is just a taste of the hilarity that insues plus a reference to Diner, which is one damn funny movie.

Todd: So, once you've got the hole at the bottom of the popcorn box, it's basically just a waiting game.
Doug: And for the record, that technique does not work with hot nachos.

Quick Thoughts on Stage 10

I didn't get to watch Stage 10 of the tour until 8:30 last night but I'm glad I caught it. It was one of those legendary Lance days. A quick summary, leading into the last mountain of the day (mountain top finish) there was a long road along the valley. Lance decides he wants to make the rest of the field suffer so he has his team bust their asses across the valley to the foot of the mountain. The final mountain, Courchievel, is a 22km climb, or just over 12 miles. So, as they've done the past few years, a couple of Armstrong's teammates set the pace at the front of the peleton. They basically just set a pace that they are going to ride and people gradually fall off from the group because they can't take it any longer (as opposed to people breaking away). By the time they've finished the first 6 miles of the climb there are only 3 guys left who can keep up with Armstrong. The four of them just blister it up to the top of the mountain and Lance gets beaten in a sprint finish. Lance beats his competitors Basso by over a minute, Ulrich by two minutes, and Vinokourov by over 5 minutes. Barring something ridiculous he wrapped the race up yesterday. He's a beast. More mountains today.

Change of pace

In a clever ploy to keep my bosses off guard I'm actually working today. In the meantime you should check out this article on Owen Wilson.

Also I'm gonna go ahead and state that I will be much better in our OSN basetball game tonight that I have been the last few games. No more three pointers. All bank shots and hook shots.

God I hate Chris Berman...and other thoughts

-I'm watching the Homerun Derby, we're 4 minutes in and Chris Berman has already pissed me off. What would it take to get him off the air at this point that ESPN wouldn't forgive at some point?

-How is a band that I've never heard of playing at the Home Run Derby...and are Johnny Damon and Mike Piazza on stage? I guess they're saving the real bands for tomorrow night.

-Just a guess but the fact that they're only 4 or maybe 5 real homerun hitters in the competition might be a bad thing. Usually they have just about the best lineup possible and only two guys put on a show. Basically I'm betting Hee Sop Choi or whatever doesn't "wow" me.

-If I'm Joe Johnson, unfortunately, there is no way I would even accept the Hawks deal. It would be a career killer for him. There is a reason he looks so much better with Phoenix than Boston. It's the perfect situation for him. He's with one of maybe 4 legit point guards in the NBA and possibly the most dominant power forward of the next 6-7 years. If he could sign a 5 year deal with the Suns and pretty much know he'd be playing with Amare the whole time, how could he turn that down. The guy is absolutely going to demand double teams and special game plans from this point on. It'd still be an alright move for the Hawks but I think they'd probably be overpaying. No matter what the Hawks aren't going to the playoffs next year and to be honest that shouldn't be their focus. Right now they need to work on improving some young players. Which would be Smith, Childress, Williams, Stoudamire and hopefully Kwame Brown. Johnson would be useful down the road if Marvin Williams is able to blossom and needs to be double teamed. I'd like to keep Harrington for the short term, get a veteran point guard for the short term and sign a young center (Brown, Curry, Chandler, Dalebert). Then you can grab a point or natural two guard in the draft next summer depending on how Salim turns out this year.

-Buck and Kincaid reported today that Curry was supposed to come to Atlanta and meet with the Hawks today but he called at the last minute and cancelled. There is no positive way to look at this unless you don't want Eddy Curry or you believe that there's more to the story than what they reported like it was a family emergency or problems with planes and the weather.

-I know that the Cavs supposedly needed a 3 point shooter but I don't see how getting Larry Hughes hurts them. They now have two excellent perimeter defenders, two guys who can get their own shot, and two guys who aren't really point guards that can bring the ball up the court. Pair that with Zydrunas who I guess is the second best center in the league and legitimate 20-10 guy. A score first PF in Dwight Gooden and I think they at least have a playoff team. How the other guys fit in really determines how far they go. Eventually Dajuan Wagner has to get healthy right? Then they could at least trade him for another PF or a PG. I also think McInnis will play better under a new coach. Unless I'm an idiot and he's not on the team anymore.

-apparently I forgot about Bobby Abreu who I for some reason hate by the way

-if you like baseball and hate Joe Morgan I'd check out this article on why Morgan hates Moneyball. He really couldn't make his point worse. He's arguing with all the powers of a drunk. Seriously every time I try to make an argument after having double digit drinks it sounds like this. I don't have anyway to look up the stats I like but I'm not really a moneyball guy myself. I'm a firm believer in small ball. I don't know if it's necessarily the key to winning but it sure is a hell of a lot more fun to watch.

-I can't really remember. But on PTI and other shows, after Bonds hit his 700th homer and they were wondering if he could break Aaron's record.... did anyone throw out steroid testing as a possible reason why he wouldn't? I know I heard injury (which could be caused but coming off steroids, Giambi, but I don't remember anyone having the balls to actually say it at the time.

-after 22 homers Abreu is growing on me

Summer

You know it's summer when the Best Bet's for TV that night look like this collection of crap. Is anyone even watching these shows? I don't mean legions of people in the Midwest, who apparently are the silent majority that buy albums by Hootie, Kenny G, Michael Bolton and others. I mean real people. Do you know anyone who is watching that Celebrity Dancing show with Evander Holyfield and J Peterman and some other C List Celebs. I've heard rumors that former Playmate Kelly Monaco who is now on a soap opera won the show. At some point when you're not at work I suggest you run a Google Image search on her. In fact here you go: Not Safe For Work. In addition to this dancing show there is the Ashton produced Beauty and the Geek, for some reason they made another Average Joe, and even though I've never been able to make it through a whole episode a rerun of the Charlie Sheen vehicle, Two and a Half Men, finished fifth in the Nielsen Ratings last week. Thank god for sports. I guess if you were a woman you could read during the summer. But who wants to do that? Actually after reading the cartoon below Mr. T has changed my mind. A good book IS like a good friend. Say No to Drugs.

this girl Allyson on friendster has one of the most random/inexplicable pictures in her profile that I've ever seen. It's kinda like how Conan O'Brien uses that random asian guy as a sex joke for the announcer Joel Goddard. Actually what a great guy Conan is. He portrays his band leader, Max Weinberg, as a pedophile and sex addict and his announcer Joel as a masochist homosexual with a penchant for asians. Sure it makes me laugh everytime but it's definitely a lot different from how Johnny treated Ed McMahon and Doc Severinson.

Apparently Maddox doesn't approve of my current fascination with blogs. The beauty of this is that he is now going to have about 500,000 blogs link to him in anger over the next few days and only increase the amount of traffic and money he's making. I personally find the guy hilarious. I also don't take anything he says seriously.

Planning on seeing Cake at the 99x Downtown Rocks at Underground tomorrow. Their first album, Motorcade of Generosity, was hands down their best for a few reasons. Their original guitarist was in my opinion much better than the the calvacade that's followed him or better stated, tried to imitate him. Also as the their career went on the songs have gotten less acoustic/earthy and more digital. They still crank out 3-5 great songs an album but they are not able to maintain it over the course of 50 minutes like on Motorcade. I think there is a limit to how many cool electric beats or hooks you can come up with...see anything Pharell has done in the past year, it sucks. So anyways if you don't own the album I'd check it out.

Mr. T the Mixed Drink

In honor of The Intern's link to a wonderful article on Mr. T, I'm pretty sure it's time to unleash on the world a wonderful recipe for a mixed drink. Back in the summer of 2002 I came up with a mixed drink that shall forever be known as a Mr. T.

Mr. T
Ingredients: 13oz Sweet Tea, 3 oz Dark/Spiced Rum, Lime wedge

Here's the deal. I suggest you make your sweet tea more or less like this recipe, although I suggest that you use 1.5 cups of sugar. As far as the rum goes... I originally used Capt. Morgan's however I've since stepped it up and started using the Bacardi Gold Rum. Do not use regular rum. Now if you're really feeling like a high roller you should try out Capt. Morgan's Private Stock which is exceptional on all counts. I guess you could drink this in some sort of glass but I highly recommend a 16oz plastic solo cup. I generally insist on a blue Solo cup at that.

The basic reasoning behind the drink is that a) Sweet Tea is the greatest drink on earth despite the fact that it's typically non-alcoholic. b) You can only drink so many rum and cokes in a night before you get that nasty shaking feeling. c) It's really fun to order this in a restaurant or bar then talk down to the bartender because they don't know how to make a Mr. T.

Thanks Tropical Storm Cindi!

Don't you just love tropical storms. They're like other storms only more festive. Well that saucy little Senorita Cindi brought a good amount of rain to the metro Atlanta area. And thanks to the crappy design and architecture of the Buckhead Gables apartments, my apartment flooded for the 2nd time in the last 10 months. Hooray Me!. I returned home last night around 9pm to find that my entire living room was soaked. So that was sweet. I was just thinking the other day, the one thing my apartment needs is something to happen to make it smell worse than it already does. Also if you're keeping score at home..the main reasons not to move into Buckhead Gables are now probability of getting shot/mugged, ridiculously high rent, and flooding.

In other news Stage 6 of the Tour De France today starts in Troyes and finishes in Nancy. I knew a guy who finished in Nancy once. Fortunately she was on the pill.

Connor Rand and the Red Dirt Band will be performing at the Brandy House at 9pm tonight. Supposedly the cover is around $5. So I would say it's worth seeing the show. Plus how often do you get the chance to pay $5 to see your friend play at a bar in Sandy Springs on a Thursday night. Hardly ever!

a few thoughts

- I don't know why it makes me so mad, but the woman who does the announcing/voice over work for Around the Horn and PTI is awful. Just the thought of her saying "Around the Horn" or "Hooray Beer!" makes me cringe. How can you screw up an expression like "Hooray Beer"? It's an inherently good phrase. Yet she makes me feel as though it's a spot on the Bingo card next G-15. Pay attentio to the lead in and out of every commercial the next time you watch one of these shows. She's absolutely incompetent.

-Over the weekend 99x left people vote for their favorite 99x songs of all time. They tallied up the top 1000 songs and played them over the weekend. This list seems like it would be very helpful if you wanted to make a mix, or bulk up your iTunes library.

-Unfortunately, I'm afraid that this Ramen cookbook is going to become all to handy over the next few weeks. The 1996 Toyota Camry was a very nice and cheap car for along time. However the repairs I've had done over the last 6 months are killing me. I can't wait for Carmax to take it off my hands.

I Feel Old

melissa001
Originally uploaded by beefcakejcc.

Apparently Clarissa Darling doesn't know everything about birth control. That's right. Sabrina the Teenage Witch done got herself knocked up. She's also 29 years old.

Doing a google image search on Mellisa Joan Hart raised an interesting thought. I've never bought into the idea of her being a sex object. For example, I have no desire to check out the fake nudes or Maxim type shots that pop up for her on that search. She's just a cute girl. At some level I can still only picture her as Clarissa and don't feel comfortable seeing her in a Princess Leia costume.

In other news the natural parts of Pam Anderson turned 38 years old today. I can't even imagine how scary she's going to look in 20 years.

Finally, this may be the last blog post I ever write. I'm pretty sure I'm going to die while running the Peachtree Road Race on Monday. I can't imagine why my body would be able to run 6.1 miles at this point. Of course I'm doing it all for a crappy t-shirt. I don't mind if the design sucks. But at least buy comfortable t-shirts. You'd think you would be able to get a quantity discount when you have to order 50,000 of them. They used to be great/soft shirts. But last years shirt was the equivalent of something they throw into the stands at a minor league baseball game.

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY TO ALL!