Going to be a fun weekend

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Originally uploaded by beefcakejcc.

It's going to be a fun weekend down on the Plains. Darth Visor is making his return to Jordan Hare stadium where he thrashed us many times but witnessed two magnificient defeats. The first being on the road to a undefeated season in 1993 and the second in 2001 when a #1 Florida team rolled in to town and lost by an end of the game field goal by Damon Duvall. This game was important for a few reasons. 1) After UF beat Auburn the year before in the Swamp, when asked to comment about Auburn's defense in a post game interview, Rex Grossman quipped "at least the scout team stopped us once in practice". Jackass. So let's just say I was more than happy that Auburn thwarted his run for the Heisman 2) It's the only time in Auburn history that the field has been rushed after the game. Not wanting to miss out on history, I hurdled a flower garden and jumped towards the field only to be tackled into a speaker by a security guard. They luckily let me go with just a case of sore ribs since about 3,000 other people were running onto the field at the same time.

Somethings changed since that game though. Somewhere along the line I grew to appreciate Steve Spurrier. I actively rooted for him to succeed with the Redskins and part of me wants him to win at South Carolina. Just not this weekend.

Last Week: 4-1
Season: 11-7-2

AUBURN -14.5 South Carolina: The Gamecocks are starting their second team qb because of injury. If Spurrier actually liked scrambling qb's he would have recruited one at some point. I say the Tiger defense and running game is too much and Auburn wins by at least 3 touchdowns. Better enjoy this one before going on the road to Fayetteville and Baton Rouge. Also I'd take the over on Steve Spurrier throwing his visor more than 4 times.

Florida/S.P.U.A.T. (Scandal Plagued University of Alabama Tuscaloosa) under 48: To be honest with you I have no clue how this game is going to end up. Urban Meyers playcalling seemed conservative to me in the UT game but he was at home so he could afford to do that. I wonder if he opens up the gameplan this week after the offense gelled against Kentucky. I would think he'd throw more against this bama defense. On the other side of the ball Florida has shown that they can play press coverage against the Vols talented receivers. But can they stop the run? Darby, whether I like it or not, is a good tailback and could cause Florida some problems. I think it's a close game. Tubetops 24 Fifty year old men wearing jerseys 21

Texas -14.5 MISSOURI: You never know when Texas is going to play a game like they did against Kansas last year. But I don't see it happening here. Missouri lost to New Mexico and Brad Smith has been all hype.

FSU -21 Syracuse: Too much talent. Praying for the Seminoles not to let the Orange cover the spread at the end of the game.

Clemson -6.5 WAKE FORREST: Clemson started strong the stumbled against Miami and BC. They should cover this weekend, it's just a matter of getting up for the game.

14 Division Titles

I went to the Braves game last night and experienced domination. Yeah, the Braves won 12-3, but more importantly the Braves wrapped up their 14th Straight Division title, and 15th of my 25 years on this earth. It's simply incredible what this team has done this year alone. Let's just say that this is the first year I didn't complain about the Braves not being favorites to win the NL East. We had Jordan and Mondesi as our corner outfielders, and we swapped Dan Kolb for John Smotlz in the pen. I was pretty sure that Smoltz would pitch well but ultimately end up injured. And those concerns were valid with the exception of Smoltz not getting hurt. I had no idea the wealth of young talent that we'd be treated to. And as much as I hate to admit it, one man was more responsible than anyone... John Schuerholz. He drafted all these rookies, may have saved the season by trading Nick Green (a reserve second baseman) for Jorge Sosa (best pig latin name ever: Orhayhay Osasay) who was a relief pitcher for the Devil Rays before this season where he tore it up in the pen before moving to the starting rotation and becoming our #3 starter for the playoffs, and also John was able to pick up Farnsworth, our dependable closer, for nothing. So I'll finally say it

JOHN SCHUERHOLZ I FINALLY FORGIVE YOU. YOU CUT BO JACKSON AND TRADED DALE MURPHY, BUT I"M GLAD YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF THE BRAVES. NOT ONLY ARE WE EVEN, I NOW LIKE YOU!

I feel much better. If you want to get constant Braves information checkout the Braves Journal. I find it to be a much better resource than the AJC or ESPN.

Also an article on Bobby Cox by Jayson Stark. I stated for a long time that Jayson Stark was the luckiest man in America because he wrote about baseball for a living and was married to Melissa Stark. I think I just assumed that because they have the same last name. Does anyone have proof they are married? I would love to know.

Chuck Klosterman

Since Bill Simmons did the second edition of Curious Guy with Chuck Klosterman part 1, part 2, now seems like a good time for me to profess how much I like Chuck and his book Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs. On a similar note, I've apparently watched so much television in my life that I have a hard time referring to something besides an episode. I originally wrote second epsiode in that first sentence, and I often mistakingly refer to the "new episode" of Sports Illustrated. I'm an uncultered boob.

But I did manage to read Klosterman's book and I loved it. Many of his theories are laughable and some are dead on, but mainly they are entertaining. He covers such topics as the Sims, an indepth look at whether Singles or Reality Bites was a better movie, the plight of a Guns n Roses cover band, 90210, and the Real World. If you watch copious amounts of tv, still buy music, and do not thing pop culture is derogatory term, than this book is for you.

Personally, I was sold after the first three paragraphs:

No woman will ever satisfy me. I know that now, and I would never try to deny it. But this is actually okay, because I will never satisfy a woman, either.

Should I be writing such thoughts? Perhaps not. Perhaps it's a bad idea. I can definitely foresee a scenario where that first paragraph could come back to haunt me, especially if I somehow became marginally famous. If I become marginally famous, I will undoubtedly be interviewed by someone in the media, and the interviewer will inevitably ask, "Fifteen years ago, you wrote that no woman could ever satisfy you. Now that you've been married for almost five years, are those words still true?" And I will have to say, "Oh, God no. Those were the words of an entirely different person — a person whom I can't even relate to anymore. Honestly, I can't image an existence without _____. She satisfies me in ways that I never even considered. She saved my life, really."

Now, I will be lying. I won't really feel that way. But I'll certainly say those words, and I'll deliver them with the utmost sincerity, even though those sentiments will not be there. So then the interviewer will undoubtedly quote lines from this particular paragraph, thereby reminding me that I swore I would publicly deny my true feelings, and I'll chuckle and say, "Come on, Mr. Rose. That was a literary device. You know I never really believed that."

Ryan Adams - Jacksonville City Nights

Well Ryan Adams new album, Jacksonville City Nights, is being released today. I'm picking it up from Best Buy later, so I won't have an actual review for some time. However I will say that his last album, Cold Roses, which was released this spring was definitely a step in the right direction. Adams no longs seems to be addled by the pressure or label of making alt-country music. I think at some point he realized that's what he was best at. Either that or he's just going throught a country fad again, like his rock phase of the last few years. You can listen to samples on his website.

Other sites worth check out for all things Ryan Adams, include AnsweringBell.com which has an extensive set list archive, lyrics, and other information about every song he's written or performed. Also RyanAdams.org is a message board that has a ton of people on it. And if have no clue what the hell I"m talking about you can check out what I had to say about his album Heartbreaker.

You can get Jacksonville City Nights from iTunes which happens to come with a bonus video or check out the Amazon link below.

college football stuff

Article on Gameday by the guy over at The Corporate Headquarters of the San Antonio Gunslingers. He pretty much nails every praise and criticism I have of the Gameday crew. With the one exception being he doesn't specifically mention the shameful way they quit talking about Auburn after the SEC Champ. game last year in an effort to promote the legitimacy of the Orange Bowl. But he makes the point. Furthermore, this guy backed the Intern throughout the contest and if I remember correctly was also a Rich Levine fan. So kudos to him. Plus, he wrote a very good post about Simmons hating on Atlanta. Maybe Ted Turner spat in his face one time. Of course I would take that as a compliment.

Check out the liveblog of the LSU and Tennessee game over at Everday Should Be Saturday. About 12 comments in there is a video of Jean Van Claude dancing that cannot be missed.

I had a return to my winning ways with the picks. 4-1 this week which moves me to 11-7-2 on the season. Part of me is happy that Ole Miss lost. I'll take the occasional blue chip recruit out of Mississippi. Cordera Eason, you'll be appreciated on the Plains.

best sports commercials online

Tiger juggling

The Nike Moves commercial one event leads to another

Lance in the anti Bo knows commercial

Lance This is Sportscenter commercial

The Lance "What am I on?" commercial. Badass

Vick Powerade commercial

Jordan failure commercial

Lebron and Bernie Mac, Book of Dimes, Nike commercial. "Can I get a layup?"

Michael Vick Experience

The Barkley of Seville

Follow me, Follow to me to freedom

A whole buch of the This is Sportscenter commercials

Heading out West to win some picks

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Originally uploaded by beefcakejcc.

Last week was rough. 0-3-2 is better than 0-5. But it's better in a winning an award for being the prettiest girl at Georgia Tech kind of way. So I'm mixing things up. After looking at the lines and making my picks one trend came through. Every game but one features a team from west of the Mississippi. Well that and my always constant trend of picking home teams and favorites because I don't have the gonads to pick an upset. Unfortunately I can't pick Auburn this week because their game against Division 1-AA powerhouse Western Kentucky is not on the board. However if I get any chance to throw something at that stupid mascot I will seize the opportunity.

Last Week 0-3-2
Season 7-6-2

Home team in Caps

SOUTH CAROLINA -19.5 Troy: I hate betting against the boys from Troy but they are off their game this year. Plus, you remember how Spurrier used to dismantle teams like this to keep the fan base happy? Also, I had to bet on one east coast game or else I would have had to adapt a West Coast lifestyle and switch over to a liquid diet and incessangtly talk about how the real USC is hella good this year.

TULSA -1 Memphis: Umm. Law of averages.

OLE MISS -2.5 Wyoming: Sure the Cowpokes screwed me over last week by shamelessly beating the Air Force Academy. But this is still an SEC team playing at home against a Mountain West team. Vandy is obviously better than people thought so it's silly to punish the Rebs for losing on the road in Nashvegas. Somehow, someway Ed Orgeron guts out at least a 3 point victory at home. If not, then crazy Ed better call up Pete Carroll and ask for his old job back.

UTEP -2.5 New Mexico: Apparently I'm lucky that Mike Price decided to hook up with a stripper and lose his job coaching at Alabama. Because all anyone ever does is talk about how good of a coach he is. I can't knock the hustle. Gotta love any old timer still knocking boots with strippers on the "company card". Of course the big story here is that, only in a place like Pensacola could the lovely Destiny get a job at a strip club. I also won a national championship with UTEP on NCAA 2005 so it's a bit of a homer pick for me.

Arizona St -7 OREGON ST: I must be missing something here. Apparently it's impossible to go into Reser Stadium and come out with a win. Otherwise this line makes no sense at all. The Sun Devils have put up some major points this year, and a few special teams plays aside, they should be undefeated. I really like this pick. Which probably means they lose outright.


An article about Matt Leinart on espn.com. I really am still amazed at how he managed to overcome a lazy eye and being chubby. People carelessly throw this word around a lot but Matt is a HERO. I won't hear anything else about it. He's the greatest college football quarterback ever and he can solve Rubik's cubes telekinetically.

The Muffin Top

Apparently there is a new phrase gathering steam around the nation. You've seen it, I've seen it, we just didn't have a word for it other than spare tire or "pulling a (fill in name of chunky friend)". Fortunately for me muffin top is gaining enough attention that it was mentioned in the NY Times.

Apparently Mark Ellwood of the NY Daily News defines a muffin top as "'the unsightly roll of flesh that spills over the waist of a pair of too-tight pants.'' The Jman defines muffin top as "a characteristic of a girl who would probably hook up with me." It was bound to happen though (the look, not the expression). I remember at Music Midtown a few years ago I almost had to stop going because the 16 and 17 year old girls were wearing ridiculous outfits and it made me feel dirty. Thanks Britney! You'd be checking out a girl's arse or rack and then you'd make your way up to her face and think "oh god she's probably can't even drive". Then I'd buy them beer. Well, those girls have grown up, gone to college, added about twenty pounds and not changed their wardrobe. Thus I'm hit with a plethora of fat hanging over jeans with the added bonus of a thong showing every time I go out.

On a completely unrelated note, if you caught the Shelter From the Storm special on all the major networks, a few weeks ago you got to hear Paul Simon throw down an awesome acoustic rendition of his song Take Me to the Mardi Gras. Which is a song from his There Goes Rhymin' Simon album, though it's much more upbeat on the album. Luckily iTunes has version available that is an acoustic demo. It is mega sweet and timely. Which brings up a cool point. Paul Simon, quite obviously a jewish New Yorker, has written two great songs about the south: Graceland and Take Me to the Mardi Gras, hell I'll even throw in that zydeco song from Graceland. I don't if that speaks more about Simon as a songwriter, or the beauty of the South and it's music. I'll take it either way.

All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.

Caught Fast Times at Ridgemont High the other night on tv. The amount of future stars in that movie is almost comical. The group of stoner friends by themselves are Sean Penn, Nicholas Cage, Anthony Edwards and Eric Stoltz. The other thing about the movie is that it's much darker and realistic than some more famous teen movies. There is no way John Hughes would have ever dealt with abortion. The closest he came was having Cameron ruin his dad's Porsche because he didn't get hugged enough. In most genres there is a realist and edgey backlash to Hollywood fluff. For some reason it went backwards with 80's teen flicks. We went from Fast Times in 82, Valley Girl 83, and Last American Virgin 82, to the Molly Ringwald Trilogy of 16 Candles, Breakfast Club, and Pretty in Pink (84-87) plus Weird Science, Can't Buy Me Love etc. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, just weird.

I went to the Earl in East Atlanta for dinner last night and then hopped on over to the Gravity Pub. The first surprise was the good (Shiner Hefeweisen on tap) and cheap ($2 PBR 12 oz cans all day every day) beer selection. The second great surprise of the evening is when they started Bingo at 9:30. It's completely free and you get to win the type of stuff you wish you still saved your money up for and bought at Toys R Us. Also, you get an extra playing card everytime you order a drink after the game has started. It's hard to explain how immensely entertaining this was. I'll definitely head back for the Bingo again, considering Gravity was already one of my favorite bars in Atlanta.


I heard the new Audioslave song,Doesn't Remind Me, on the radio this morning and it receives my full endorsement. It doesn't sound anything like Audioslave or Soundgarden, minus Chris Cornell's voice. The verse is an old, clean, rock sound. The closes comparison I can come up with is Weezer, but that doesn't really do it justice. Anyway make an effort to hear that song.

TV:

I'm giving My Name is Earl my vote of confidence. There may be something else on but the only thing I feel the need to mention tonight is Lost on ABC at 9pm. The first season was as good as anything I've ever seen, right up there with the first season of 24. If you haven't seen the first season grab the dvds from Netflix or something and try to get caught up as quick as possible. That being said I think they could wrap up the series in about 6 episodes. I'll be interested to see if they can crank out another 24 episodes.

Television Update

Regarding last night's shows:

How I Met Your Mother was more or less a waste of time. The problems were numerous. First being that it was more of a chick show than Friends. Apparently they asked Allyson Hannigan to reprise her role from American Pie and Neil Patrick Harris to do the same for his role in Harold and Kumar. You can't ever judge by a pilot because they usually clean up some mistakes like the completel overuse of Bob Saget's narration, but things don't look good for this episode.

Kitchen Confidential is the latest of Fox comedies using a single camera and edgey dialogue. It has some promise but I don't get the overwhelming impression that it's going to embraced by the public. It seems like one of those shows that you'll just start to enjoy right as they cancel it. It's not a great show but a decent way to fill the gap between Arrested Development and Prison Break.

Arrested Development was by all acounts a let down. They had a lot of loose end to tie up from the season finale but that's no reason to skimp on jokes. During the end of last season the writers (assuming cancellation) decide to throw in tons of obscure references from earlier epsiodes that were funny but began to be overdone. It looks like they haven't broken the habit. Stuff like Lindsay's blatant desire to only want what she can't have is a great idea. However the joke does not need to be made so blatantly 10 times in 20 minutes. The good news is that AD has had mediocre episodes before. It's only a matter of time before they hit comedic gold again like they did last year with Good Grief or Motherboy XXX.

The last 10 minutes of the Cowboys/Redskins game were phenomenal. Down 13-0 in the 4th quarter on 3rd and twenty something, knee brace wearing Mark Brunell runs about twenty yards and then completes a clutch 4th and short on the next play. So it appears that the Redskins will march the ball down the field and score with enough time to make a run at it. Or you know, Brunell could just loft a perfect 39 yard pass over Roy William's head to Santana Moss for a touchdown with 3:49 left. So they don't even have to kick an onsides. Cowboys decide to pass the ball for some reason and go six and out while only running of 35 seconds of play clock. Al Michaels informs us that Parcells is 77-0 when leading by 13 points at any point in the 4th quarter, which seems unlikely giving the transgressions of the last few minutes. So the Redskins get the ball back and Brunelll again hits Moss with a 70 yard pass over Roy Williams. They showed the replay a few times and it was amazing. Brunell hits Moss in stride 50 yards down the field about one foot above William's hands. How someone can be that accurate and anticipate the play that much is beyond me. Dallas get a second chance at a drive where all they need is a field goal and are unable to come through. Just absolutely thrilling tv.

As for tonight:

My Name is Earl NBC 9pm I'll give Jason Lee a shot. However the previews for the show look a little weak

The Office NBC 9:30pm I know there are a lot of people who say that american Office can't compare to the British Office. Well this season should be the judge. In all the episodes this spring the US Office made their take on episodes and jokes from the original. However starting tonight every episode is completely original with the current cast and american viewers in mind. So it could take on a whole new life. I heard Steve Carrell on 99x and tonight's episode sounds pretty funny.

I don't watch House but it comes on tonight at 9pm on Fox. I mention it because everyone keeps talking about how good it is, and for some reason a version of Elvis Costello singing Christina Aguilera's Beautiful is used in the episode.

recap

This week 0-3-2
Season 7-6-2

"In regards to the picks in general. I'm due for a downfall". At least I picked something right. I was uneasy on Friday with my picks but I decided to stick with them, guessing that first instinct is usually the best. Well I was wrong. Of course I didn't know that Reggie Ball was going to be taken to the hospital hours before the game and be diagnosed with viral meningitis, leading to a redshirt freshman qb taking over the reigns. So that makes up for one push.

As for the Air Force pick, I should listen to myself and not others. Golden Domers, it was too close of a game going in for me to pick. I usually like to pick teams that I think have the capability to blow the game out. Which was not the case and thus a dumb pick. Texas: that's the risk you run with a 41 pt. spread. As for Kentucky? I don't know. I only saw the score on the ticker.

About the actual games:

- Alabama showed me a lot more than I was expecting. A simple reminder for Steve Spurrier, if you can't run the ball or stop the run in the SEC you are in for a long season.

- Congrats to Vandy who are currently leading the SEC East. With Richmond and Middle Tennessee State coming up, they could go into their matchup with LSU in Nashville at 5-0. Which at least would get the game televised and possibly sell out Memorial Stadium.

- I'm quite happy that Oklahoma blows this year. I have two thoughts about them. Adrian Peterson is still damn good. People are going to sleep on him this year because he's getting no help, but he's a hell of a runner, and will the win the Heisman before he leaves Norman. How funny would it be if OU got their act together in time to beat Texas? It's like those times that UGA knew it was their year to beat Florida only to have the Gators manage to pull out a win (especially 2002).

- Tennessee vs Florida was fun to watch. Though I would say both coaches are doing a horrible job. Fulmer has to understand that he awful coordinators under him. Meyer seems to be pulling a Saban against UGA 2004 and stubbornly sticking to his scheme because his ego is too damn big. YOU HAVE CHRIS LEAK! Let him throw the damn ball. I think this offense combined with the talent he has may be enough to win for a year or two, until everyone figures it out. I would then advise Meyer to switch schools. Does anyone else think that may have contributed to his past success? He hasn't been in the same league long enough for anyone to figure out how to stop his spread option. It's like those gimmicky teams that always do well in the NCAA tournament. You know if you play against Arkansas (under Nolan Richardson) or Syracuse twice a year you figure out how to deal with their pressure defense or 2-3 zone. However when you only have a day or two to prep for it in the tournament it suddenly becomes hard to beat. I think the World's Largest Cocktail Party might be very interesting this year. I just have a visual image of Greg Blue decapitating Chris Leak on some lame option play.

- That USC vs. Arkansas game didn't last long. I said it at the time and I'll say it again. Why the hell was Nebraska trying to get Houston Nutt so damn bad? Did they really want to run the option that much? I guess they wouldn't have a problem with Nutt's recruitment of thugs. Lawrence Phillips would have been right up Houston's alley.

- Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a huge SEC night game as much as anything in life. But there was something quite satisfying about Auburn 63-3 drubbing of Ball State. Number one, I don't get nervous at any point in the day. There's always something to cheer about: Auburn scored on every single possession of the game. It's a great look at which players will emmerge in the years to come. I could tell Eric Brock showed potential in blowouts last year, now he's the starter at safety. And finally, during the fourth quater you get to use up three rows as you stretch out. Just a relaxing day.

- Tonights Television picks:

apparently Monday is going to belong to Fox this year. Arrested Development at 8pm, some new show called Kitchen Confidential that looks pretty funny, and then Prison Break @ 9pm.

And as anyone who plays fantasy football knows, there are two NFL games on tonight. The Saints and Giants are on ABC from 7:30 to 9 and then the remainder of the game will be on ESPN. Then the Redskins and Cowboys will take over on ABC at 9pm. I know Simmons said something to the contrary, but I still found John Madden immensely entertaining while he was calling the Falcons/Seahawks game last week. I guess I appreciate him in a way I can never muster up for Bill Walton.

If Kitchen Confidential sucks, How I Met Your Mother on CBS at 8:30pm is supposed to the best new comedy of the year. It stars the great Neil Patrick Harris and one trick pony Allyson Hannigan. However I'm assuming the greatness of the show is delivered by Bob Saget narrating the show a la Daniel Stern with The Wonder Years.

Not much on the late night circuit tonight, however this page seems quite helpful.

Gotta Love Those 'Dores

Can we all take a second to congratulate Vanderbilt on being a 2.5 point favorite over Ole Miss at home. When's the last time that happened? Even though I won't be picking them I will be rooting them on all the way. Go Dores!

"he's got something no gambler's ever had..a system." -Homer Simpson

In regards to the picks in general. I'm due for a downfall. However that's the beauty of the system. With a mandatory five picks a week, you're testing your football knowledge over luck. It's nearly impossible to pick one or two games a week and have a great record. Injuries, freak plays, weather etc. can affect a game in a way you never predicted. But with five games you can afford to be wrong about two and still come out on top. And though I didn't have the guts to pick either, I hope that Vandy and South Carolina both come up with big time wins.

Last Week: 4-1
Season: 7-3

Home team in caps

NOTRE DAME -6.5 Michigan St.: I don't like this pick. Not because I don't think the Irish will win, I just don't like contributing to the hype bandwagon. Has Notre Dame gone on a two game win streak in the past five years without ESPN freaking out? If they win this week Beano Cook may have a heart attack while campaigning for Brady Quinn to win the heisman.

AIR FORCE -3 Wyoming: How can you not root for a service academy? The King of College Football, Chuck Oliver, turned me on to this pick this morning. I did a little research and everything checks out.

Kentucky +2 INDIANA: I'd take this line for a basketball or football. Judging by the Louisville game and last week the Wildcats are on a bit of an upswing again. Indiana however couldn't even win when they had Antwaan Randle-El.

GEORGIA TECH -15 Uconn: Unfortunately for the Huskies this is football, so they have no chance of winning. Uconn has some impressive scores thus far this season, but they played Buffalo and Liberty. Also, a 5"10 freshman cornerback will supposedly be guarding Calvin Johnson. I think the only reason the line is at 15 is because of Tech's history of playing down to competition. I'd be a lot happier if this line was 14. Quick sidenote: Nothing will beat during the NCAA tourney last year when Lacy was filling out her bracket after the first round. So she wouldn't see who I picked I was reading out the names of teams to her. I check out her bracket later and come to find that she has Yukon playing Duke in the Sweet Sixteen.

TEXAS -41 Rice: This pick scares me a little because apparently we aren't dealing with the same old Mack Brown. Meaning, he wins big games now. Which makes me wonder if he'll pile up on crappy intrastate teams like he has in year's past. But UCLA beat Rice by 42 last week so it shouldn't be a problem.

Television: Man's Best Friend

old-television
Originally uploaded by beefcakejcc.

I'm a pretty average guy. There are only a few things I excel at in life. I'm pretty good at pissing people off, I have an excellent sense of direction, and I'm damn good at watching TV. If you don't understand how someone can be good at watching tv, then you have much to learn young Skywalker.

Which brings me to my point. As a service to you, the people who for some reason visit this site, I'm going to throw out my daily picks for what's worth watching on television. As for the basics: you need Tivo or a DVR supplied by your cable provider, I've only seen Comcast's version which will do the trick. The only shows as of right now that are can't miss are 24, Lost and Arrested Development, also I will be listing all showtimes in Eastern Standard Time.


Of the new shows that I've caught thus far here are my snap judgements:

Prison Break: shows promise, been intriguing thus far, but I could definitely see it dropping off in a few more episodes. Fox Monday 9pm

Head Cases: starring Chris O'Donnell and Adam Goldberg. Wow. Has Chris O'Donnell always been this bad of an actor? Wasn't he good in something? Only lawyers who dream of leaving their firm would like this show. Fox Wednesday 9pm

Reunion: an absolutely great idea. Show starts at a funeral. One person out of a close knit group of six friends has been murdered by another one of the friends. We immediately travel 20 years back to the groups highschool graduation in 1985. Each episode is a year in the group's life. Unfortunately the actors are awful, the script is very heavy handed, and the 80's cliches are so over the top it's maddening. Let's just say that I'm Tivoing a Scrubs rerun tonight instead.


What to Watch Tonight:

it's always a good idea to check out the first episode of each Survivor (CBS 8pm) to see how many hot chicks made the cut. However the show in general has gone extremely downhill.

David Spade's, The Showbiz Show premieres on Comedy Central tonight @ 10:30. For you a SAT dorks out there The Daily Showis to Dateline as The Showbiz Show is to Entertainment Tonight.

If you're betting man I guess you could watch the Utah vs TCU game on ESPN. Otherwise I see no reason.


Scrubs 9m NBC: A re-airing of My Life in Four Cameras which is one of two episodes in the running for best episode from last year. This episode was filmed in front a life studio audience (for the first time) and is largely a parody of sitcoms from the 80's. Quite outstanding.


Finally stand up comic, Jim Gaffigan, is on Conan tonight. You may know him as the pasty blond haired guy who worked in the kitchen with Hyde and Kelso on that 70's Show or from the following jokes:

"I watch a lot of TV, I drink a lot of coffee, but you know what's really addictive? Heroin."

"You ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither. I don't have the attention span."

"My wife's gotten really lazy, or as she calls it, 'pregnant'."

I was watching Animal Planet, did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? And I was thinking, "Why don't they just call that the female seahorse?" You know it's just some stubborn scientist. "Yeah, that one there's the male seahorse." "Uh, Bill, that one's having a baby." "...the male has the baby. You're fired."

I do love food. I love eating late at night too. You know, you're not suppose to eat late at night, but then again you're not suppose to drink booze in the morning. And apparently you're never supposed to smoke crack...Well whatever! I'm not training for the Olympics, you know? I'm sorry but after a tough ten minutes of stand-up, I want to unwind with a burger and a crack pipe. If I do that everyday does it make me a crackhead?

Just some links

- I have no predictions on what this baby will look like. My feeble brain keeps coming up with just a mix and match of different Heidi and Seal facial features like they do on Conan. I'm now going to name If They Mated as the worst ongoing late night sketch in history. It's been a one joke skit for 10 years. I get it. You know how to use Photoshop.

- Speaking of Photoshop. A little fun at Trev Albert's expense. I've said it before but I still disagree with his firing and completely understand why Trev was upset. Of course it was entertaining to hear Elmer Fudd/Lou Holtz provide commentary for the highlights on Gameday Final last Saturday.

- Funny post on the Tennessee vs. Florida game from the eyes of a Georgia fan. I think my meteor game would be uga/bama but they don't play on a regular basis so I'm going with bama/lsu. Actually the players could be spared, I'd just like for all the fans to be blown up. Oh god. I just realized it's deemed incorrect to rip on lsu fans because of Hurricane Katrina. Whatever. I still say they smell like corn dogs. LSU Bleauxs.

- we just paid a company $120/hour to fix a corrupted file in our online store. That's the easiest money I've ever seen. Since they are an international company based off of Howell Mill Rd. in Atlanta, they can expect to receive my underwhelming resume sometime next week. Also if you're reading this and happen to play guitar, you should check out FreeGuitarVideos.com. It has about 50 online video guitar lessons that are completely free.

- I've made a lot of jokes recently about people needing to redshirt during their first year tailgating. However it appears two guys from New Mexico should have redshirted on their first experience at a strip club. However I think the strippers are to blame in this story. How do you get to about the three song mark with an 18 year old and not start asking to see some cash? Also if I was a stripper, I'm pretty sure I would use the Golden Girls theme song as my dancing music. I'm abstract like that.

Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true your a pal and a confidant.

14-10

I challenge you to a decathlon

Over the last year I've participated and witnessed many drunken conversations between friends that boil down to one question: Which of us is better? Most of these conversations pertain to athletic prowess but some go beyond that into the realm of intellectual and other capabilities. So I present to you, what I believe are two definitive ways to judge a person based on their athletic or overall greatness. For practical purposes these tests will only apply to judging same sex comparisons.

Athletic:
-100 yard dash
-5K run
-home run derby
-max bench press
-max leg press
-punt, pass and kick competition
-Golf: 18 holes match play
-Basketball: one on one, best of three games to 21 by 1s and 2s, make it take it.
-Tennis: best of 3 sets
-100m swim

Overall Judge of a Man's worth:

- one on one Trivial Pursuit

- IQ test

- salary over the past year

- most beers consumed in two hours, not allowed to throw up during that time, contestants must agree upon the same beer

- best three out of five playing one game a piece on Mario Kart 64 (Total Points Mushroom Cup 150cc), Tecmo Bowl (one game, Oakland not allowed), Bond 64 (best two of three: one game licence to kill, one game normal, and one game golden gun and the location must change every time), Street Fighter 2 (best 2 out of 3, must change characters every time), NBA Jam (2 out of 3, must change teams every time, turn off computer assistance)

- 100 yard dash

- one on one basketball: see rules from above

- SAT practice test. Sorry buddy, but your score from high school doesn't mean jack now.

- scavenger hunt: each person makes a list of 10 things that must be obtained within six hours. If more than three tasks are believed to be impossible, then the other person must complete one of the tasks within three hours.

- I think it goes without saying that at some point in the competition a unbiased girl must measure a body part on each male at full arousal.

Suggestions for each decathlon are welcomed. Also all challengers are welcomed as well.

weekend recap

- I went 4-1 on my picks moving me to 7-3 on the season. Since no one has sent me a thank you email I'm assuming none of you have been betting. Listen to me, go to Sportsbook.com deposit around $160, put $20 bucks on every game I pick and nothing else. You'd be up $76 after two weeks. If you do signup remember to tell them that beefcakejcc referred you.

- Without looking at the schedule there are two games I'm really interested in this week. bama @ South Carolina, and the Vols heading down to the Swamp. bama has put together a few wins against bad competition and I'm not sure what to make of them. Spurrier squeaks by UCF at home and then heads to Athens to push uga to the limit. I have no idea how this is going to play out. Remember that South Carolina won in Tuscaloosa last year. As for Florida their offense has looked anemic against vastly inferior teams. Meyer looks incapable of adapting his scheme to his talent. Chris Leak is good and Urban just may well ruin his last two years. That being said, they are at home and this is the first time we get to see the spread option against a big league defense. Tennessee has issues of their own. They are down to their third string center and I have a feeling that lead to the lack of offensive output against UAB. But the kids had at least three weeks of practice now. I'm told that the Vol defense is good but they didn't show that to me in either game against Auburn last year. So once again I have no clue how that game is going to turn out.

- woke up at 7am to go to the Auburn game which started at 12:30. Pretty boring game. Have two weeks to prepare for South Carolina @ home. Came home and watched as much football over 24 hours as possible. I'm pretty sure I'm happiest when I have two tv's set up in my living room with football on both. Plus I watched the Braves game (awesome comback in the 10th) and US Open (Agassi was awesome for about a one hour stretch). Just good times all around.

- Congrats to the Longhorns on a huge win. I hope they are able to stay focused on a boring schedule.

- Everything I've heard about Ohio St.'s receivers and linebackers all summer was completely true. It's a shame they don't have a quarterback.

- It is very important that everyone in the Atlanta are catch Connor Rand & the Red Dirt Band's cd release party at Smith's Olde Bar on Thursday night. There will be two opening acts with Connor hitting hte stage around 11pm. You can check out their myspace page and listen to samples here.

Take it to the bank

I swear it's this big!
Originally uploaded by beefcakejcc.

Home team in caps

NEBRASKA -6.5 Wake: If they couldn't beat Vandy at home the Deacons are in trouble

FLORIDA -16.5 LaTech: Urban if you fail me again you will regret it. UF Alums like one thing...points and lots of them. Well, that and tube tops

SYRACUSE -24 Buffalo: Buffalo may be the worst team in football. They lost 38-0 to UConn last week. And I'm not even sure if that was to the football team or the women's basketball team.

Pittsburgh -14.5 OHIO: Solich vs. Wannstedt. Someone has to lose.

under 47 GEORGIA vs. South Carolina: USC always gives them problems note even mentioning Spurrier. I wouldn't make too much of the dawg's performance against the Fighting Potatoes of Boise St.'s defense last week. However if they look good this week than it could mean trouble for the SEC.

Last Week: 3-2
Season: 3-2

Welcome to latent homosexuality bitch!

I pretty much decided to never watch the show. Even after Bill Simmons wrote about it constantly I wasn't going to choose watching some crappy 2003 version of 90210 instead of college football on ESPN or basketball on TNT. Then it happened. Before we met up at Churchill's one night I ended up watching back to back episodes of the O.C. Seemed pretty enjoyable so I thought what the heck, and got a season pass.

And know it's one of my favorite shows. I bring it up because a) the season premiere is tonight and b) Bill Simmon's did a cool interview with the show's creator Josh Schwartz today. Is the show great? Not in the same way as 24 or Arrested Development. Meaning that it's hard to take the drama seriously at times and it's not always intentionally funny. However it's rather entertaining.

If you're a guy like me then you: don't read much, don't watch many non-action tv dramas, and don't listen to the radio or watch MTV as much as you used to. And for me, the OC serves two main purposes. It allows me (under the guise of something that is hip and has hot girls) to get wrapped up in cheezy and over the top storylines about relationships about dating, friends, parents, drug addict /rapist brothers etc.. The other good thing is they are constantly incorporating good new music into the show.

Which is really a much larger point. Rock isn't dead. The outlets that should be supplying it to us are. Radio and MTV only seem to care about what has the most mass appeal. Wonder why MTV has more hip hop on than it used to? It's because black, white and latino teenagers will all watch TRL if it's filled with rap. But if you have Modest Mouse or Franz Ferdinand or another rock band on then you've just cut your audience in half. So I'm left with Rolling Stone, the OC, and word of mouth to tell me about good new rock. Either that or I can wear out my copy of Poison's Flesh & Blood. And the OC does a damn good job of throwing in a ton of songs into each episode. And on the show's website they even give you a list of the songs they played on each episode (under features click on Weekly Soundtrack). So it's extra easy to find out the name of the song, visit you favorite place to illegally obtain music, and make your own sampler mix.

And yes I know how gay all of this must sound.

And speaking of good new music the Crafty Veteran was dead on about the new Killer's song All These Things I've Done which has the chorus repeating "I've got soul but I'm not a soldier" at the end of the song. Starting off slow and ending with a black gospel choir brings back some good memories of the Black Crowes.

Trev Alberts fired

ESPN has fired Trev Alberts. After they filmed College Gameday Final on Saturday night he was apparently unhappy with the results, made some angry phone calls, saw nothing was going to change, and then decided not to show up on Sunday.

I used to hate Alberts. His first season he was just trying to say things that incite viewers. Much the same way the awful Stephen A. Smith does. However I think from fan response he realized he had become a little too over the top. Last year he was a much more even keeled and tv friendly. As a matter of fact, watching my Tivo'd episode of the Gameday Final show on Sundays last year was one of my favorite things. The guys basically just went through all the highlights from Saturday, made a couple speaking points, then would do things like make their own top 25 or award helmet stickers. They would also do one or two five minute segments where the would interact with the guys from the Gameday crew. Which was by far the worst part of the show b/c no one really cares what Corso or Herbstreit has to say since neither of them has said anything meaningful or insightful in the last five years.

So after finally getting over the loss on Saturday, I watched Gameday Final tonight (before I found out about Trev). My first thought: THIS SUCKS. They've changed the format and now the Gameday guys were on about half the time. They even had Fowler doing highlights for several games from their remote broadcast. While he was doing the USC highlights he incorrectly said the score three times. It obviously was a huge mistake, the sound was awful, and who wants to see Corso's buffalo face right before they go to sleep. As a result Rece, Trev, and Mark didn't have time to do their poll or as many stickers as they usually do. And if you read the article from above that's exactly why Trev quit. They had their own show and some good chemistry and ESPN decided to ruin it like everything else. So there is no reason to believe that we won't be seeing more reality shows, stupid trivia games/interviews on Sportscenter, and more Nick Lachey on Gameday. You know what I was thinking last week while getting ready for the season? I wonder how much Jessica Simpson's husband loves Matt Leinart and is there some way he could provide me with analysis every Saturday this fall.

MTV and ESPN have both gone from great to barely watchable during the last 10 years. Thank god for the internet.


Trev Alberts

My thoughts: Smothered and Covered

-Bob Denver, TV's Gilligan, passed away.

- I ate three cups of Ramen Noodles last night. It wasn't something that I planned on or enjoyed... it just happened.

- I'm going to see Pedro vs. Smoltz at the Ted tonight. I hope I only see two hits. A homer by Francoeur and Andruw.

- I went 3-2 on my picks from Friday. I'll take that every time.

- It took a few days, but I've stepped back from the ledge and I can now talk rationally about the rest of Auburn's season. Congratulations to Georgia Tech. The Crafty Veteran made a great statement on Sunday night. Something along the lines of "Georgia Tech plays offense the way most people play Madden. Run around for awhile throw it up and hope the receivers catch it." Which of course worked. Unfortunately Tommy Tuberville couldn't jump up and hit the reset button.

- My fantasy football team goes as follows Randy Moss, Tiki Barber, Marc Bulger, Larry Fitzgerald, Curtis Martin, Todd Heap, Steve McNair, Eric Moulds, Jerry Porter, Chris Brown, Donte Stallworth, Reggie Williams, Tim Rattay, J. Reed, and the Steelers D. I need a better second WR.

- I believe I'm going to see how long I can go without drinking alcohol. More specifically, how long I can go and still be entertained and social. I'm not trying to set any world records, just seeing if I what it's like to go 10 days or so.

- Along the same lines, I'm planning on running the Atlanta Half Marathon. Anyone who wants to is welcome to join me.

- To counteract the lack of alcohol and massive amounts of running I've decided to take up Crystal Meth.

Pete Orr: The Man, The Myth, The Legend

Pete Orr
Originally uploaded by beefcakejcc.

A tribute to Peter Orr, the fastest man to ever play major league baseball.

"Pete Orr is a son of a bitch!"

"Pete Orr is the father of every kid in this town!"

"Pete Orr once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!"

"One time I was with Pete Orr in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Pete Orr goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Pete Orr! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'PeteOrrr' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"

"He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him!"

"His poop is used as currency in Argentina."

"He sweats Gatorade"

"He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health."

"He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! .......And he hated irony!"

"I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury."

"He sheds his skin once a year."

"He makes brooms somewhere in Georgia."

"He did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Pete Orr!"

"I once saw him eat a whole live chicken."

"His favorite movie is 'One on One' with Robby Benson."

"He sleeps eight hours a night! ........ well, he was pretty normal when it came to that."

"Pete Orr was a two ton man-mountain who could palm a medicine ball!"

"Did I ever tell you about the time Pete Orr took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Pete Orr takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Pete Orr yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!'"

"Pete Orr had a four day heart attack...a day for each chamber. At the autopsy, they said his heart looked like a basketball filled with riccotta cheese."

"He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road."

"He taught me how to make love to a woman, and how to scold a child."

"They found $60 in change in his stomach."

"He did all the makeup on the 'Planet of the Apes' movie."

"He grew a 3rd arm and kept it in a vault."

"Pete Orr drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.'"

"They say Gene Roddenbery got the idea for Star Trek from listening to Pete Orr talk in his sleep."

"He date raped David Bowie."

"He once inhaled a seagull."

"The Pope told him it was ok to have a mistress."

"It was the sight of Pete Orr's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane."

"He once had sex with a cigarette machine."

"He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident."

"He uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel."

"He once ate the Bible while water skiing."

"He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls."

"He sired a baseball team.. an orchestra if you count the bastards!"

"You know, he would shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe!"

"He has dandruff the size of mice!"

"He jogged with a fridge on his back!"

"Pete Orr was a 10 foot monster who slept with all our wives! And punched us all in the face! And we loved him for it!"

"His first name is Bill! ....... I'm drunk."

"He's a ten foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi."

"He orchestrated the merger between Unicef and Smith & Wessen."

"He went public with his own buttocks and made $7 million."

"Did I ever tell you about the time Pete Orr went hunting? Pete Orr decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives...except Fleagle."

"We once had a bachelor party for Pete Orr. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it."

"Pete Orr once hosted the Grammys and gave every award to Corey Hart."

"He has a toenail on the end of his penis."

"Pete Orr once got his wife pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms."

"Pete Orr's family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong."

"Pete Orr ranked 18th in the AP College Football Pool."

"Did I ever tell you about the time Pete Orr was in a production of, 'The King & I?' On opening night, Pete Orr chloroforms the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews."

"He breastfeeds John Madden."

"Pete Orr named the group Sha-Na-Na. They did NOT want to be called that."

"If you drop a phonograph needle on Pete Orr's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' 'Pet Sounds.'"

"They use Pete Orr's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee stadium."

"Pete Orr directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high heels."

"All the 'Yes' album covers are Pete Orr family photos."

"He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom."

"Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Pete Orr said it would've happened sometime."

"Pete Orr's semen can form into a liquid human - like the guy from 'Terminator 2'"

"Pete Orr still believes in Santa Claus, and he wants to put him in porno films."

"He thinks then iron man is gay."

"He framed Roger Rabbit."

"The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Pete Orr - except for the apple tree planting and not raping men."

"He gave a handjob to a manta ray."

I'm so classic. Rack me.

It's been two years since the greatest radio segment in history was on the air. In the wonderful fall of 2003 Tony Kornheiser had James Carville on every Friday to make his college in pro picks. It was hands down the most entertaining thing I've ever heard. From hearing James come up with calling University of Lousiana Lafayette the phonetic pronunciation of their initials: Ooh La La to finding out the guy drives a Honda Civic. So in honor of that, and to test my own football prowress, I will be selecting 5 college gambling picks a week. Because of financial restraints they will only be hypothetical this week. However when that new Visa card comes in the mail these picks will become my livelihood.

Home team in caps:

AUBURN -7 vs. georgia tech/ a bunch of guys who play Halo all day
UGA -7.5 vs. Boise State
TEXAS -40 vs. Ooh La La
FLORIDA -23.5 vs. Wyoming if Urban knows what's good for him he'll win big
USC and HAWAII over 66.5 points

I'm thinking there is a good chance for 3 out of 5 on those. I think Louisville -22 is a good pick also but I decided to stick with Saturday picks. Outside of those five, the other ones I was thinking about were PITT -3 and under 41.5 in the Virginia Tech/NC State game.

Head to the mountains...

the cause and solution to all of life's problems
Originally uploaded by beefcakejcc.

Supposedly beer is being sold really really really ridiculuously cheap in Florida right now. The general thought is that beer that was supposed to be sent to and sold in Louisiana and Mississippi is being sold elsewhere. Does anyone know if this is going down in Atlanta or elsewhere around the South? It makes sense. I'm all for $5 12 packs of Bud Light. If there is some way I can get a case of Busch Light for around $5, I might just try to set the tailgating record tomorrow. Start tailgating at 12, drink beer until the 7:45 kickoff, drink a vodka and sprite at halftime because it's not as filling, then get back to the tailgating spot around midnight and see how many more beers I can throw down before I realize I'm too old for this.