Triumph indeed

There are few things I enjoy more than coming home from the bar on a Saturday night and watching a little of my Best of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog DVD. Lucky for you most of the best clips from the DVD are availabe online. So here you go.

Triumph at the premier of the Star Wars Episode II

Triumph at a Bon Jovi concert Fricken awesome! Look for "poop acoustic" on the set list.

Triumph at the American Idol Auditions


also be sure to check out Triumph's interview with Playboy Magazine

You can check out Triumph's Official Site here. I'm assuming if you sign up for the mailing list they will tell you when he's going to be on Conan.

Plan for the Atlanta Hawks

Phillips Arena at typical capacity
Originally uploaded by beefcakejcc.

Since the Fantasy Sports world of Yahoo has decided to basically crash today, I guess my thoughts about the Hawks are going here. The future seems pretty clear to me at this point. They need to a get a legitimate NBA starter at point guard and center. One through the draft and one through free agency (or trading draft picks). Then you would have Unnamed stud at PG, Joe Johnson at SG, Marvin Williams at SF, Al Harrington at PF, and ZaZa at Center. Salim is your back up at PG and SG, Childress backs up at SG and SF, Josh Smith is the first off your bench and backs up SF and PF, and then depending which center you bring in, he basically works in a three man rotation with Harrington and Pachulia. That's a playoff team next year and depending on how certain players develop, the Hawks would be a contender in about 3 to 4 years. There is a lot of versatility there for different combos of players on the floor and some defined roles. Salim would be in charge of instant offense off the bench, Childress needs to make hustle plays and defend, Josh Smith is supposed to dunk a lot and make the fans happy while trying to progress to the level of being a legitimate starter. ZaZa is your clumsy white guy center who somehow manages to get a double double every game.

For example, if you were somehow able to add Sam Cassell and Jamal Magloire to this roster for next year, they easily make the playoffs. So the rumored trade from earlier in the year for Andre Miller and Nene makes sense.

That being said, I've given up on the possibility of Marvin Williams being able to play PF. He's a small forward all the way. He's tall, athletic, and has a real nice shot. I think best case scenario is that they trade Harrington and maybe Childress for a PG and C, and then draft a PF since they are in a bigger supply.

For more basketball thoughts check out Straight Bangin's post from this morning. He starts off by killing crappy basketball announcers and then moves on to poking fun at Vince and Kobe. My favortite part:

"I was offered Vince Carter in a fantasy league trade on Monday, but I don't trade for anyone who, when presented with the opportunity, neglects to put a beatdown on Kobe Bryant. Did anyone else see that weak-ass "fight" on Sunday night? Talk about fake thugs.

Excluding rape, that was two of the least-hard people in the L mean muggin' and acting like they actually wanted to "throw down fisticuffs" and involve Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary. If Kobe ever fought Vince, the under card would have to be Tim Thomas against Michael Olowokandi. It would be like Will Smith gunnin' for Kevin Federline; like Jake Gyllenhaal vs. Tobey Maguire; like...like...like Barney Frank challenging Joe Lieberman to a duel.

It would have been absurd; they both would have embarrassed themselves; and Vince would have been out for a month with a broken nail while Kobe would have needed to get another fugazi tattoo to compensate for a shameful display of bitch-ass-ness. And, of course, I would have loved it."

certifiable

In case you missed it, check out Ron Artest's latest haircut. Personally I'm just mad that this fad never took off with white people. Otherwise I probably would have had "GNR" or something shaved into my white boy fro at some point. Also I love the fact that he decided to spell "true warrior" as "tru warier".

Check Crazy Ron's site out here (sound). Personally, I'm hoping someone will give me this shirt from his store to me for Xmas.

Screw you mouse!

52 Reasons why ESPN/ABC/Disney suck.

This only refers to television. I could probably do about 20 reasons why ESPN.com sucks off the top of my head.

it's a good thing it only happens once a year

Iron Bowl keg stands was not the greatest idea of my life. I woke up at 6:30, was headed to Auburn by 8am, picked up a keg at the Bruno's in Auburn and still had time to spare before watching Gameday outside at our tailgating spot. Make it to the game just with time to spare before the ceremony for the naming of Pat Dye Field. During the video montage it got a little dusty in the south endzone and then the eagle flew and all bets were off. At 14-0 I make the famous Vince Carter "it's over" hand motion to no one in particular for the next five minutes. Game ends, sing the alma mater with the band (my newewst tradition) and head over to Toomer's to soak up some magic.

Then the day took a turn for the worse. I partake in the keg some more, do a keg stand, become so noticably drunk that my father guards the keg so I can't drink more, get forced into going to a bar, get kicked out of the bar for falling into a table and spilling quite a few drinks, have an altercation with a cop, fall asleep in some ivy and just continue to make a general ass of myself. I pretty much had a hangover until I woke up this morning despite the fact that I slept for about 20 hours on Sunday. I love going to games and there are very few times that I'm happier than after an Auburn win, but damn, my body needs some time off from the rigors of gameday. I managed to make it through 5 years at Auburn without ever getting thrown out of a bar or have an encounter with a cop, but at the age of 25 I"m now unable. I think it's fair to say that Saturday night was a low point that will usher in a new more relaxed approach to drinking. I know I"ve said the same before but I think not blacking out is a good goal. Also drinking before noon it probably never a good idea if I don't intend to stop at some point in the day.

As for the football itself. That was one hell of a rebuilding year. Beating uga and bama two years in a row is pretty sweet and the future is incredibly bright. Defense may have a small dropoff next year, but the offense has the potential to be better than 2004 or 2005. The schedule next year is respectable and winable. Only tough road games look to be bama and South Carolina. Home games against Washington St, LSU, Arkansas, Florida, and Georgia. It should be fun once again.

I've said it before, but I'll say it again, there is absolutely no reason for anyone not to be watching the Office every week. It's on tonight at 9:30 right after My Name is Earl on NBC. I'm now at the point where I watch every episode at least twice before I delete it. It's that funny.

Iron Bowl Memories

As I did last week with UGA, some quick thoughts on every Iron Bowl that I've attended. For the record I have not yet attended an Iron Bowl in Tuscaloosa but I heard they're pretty fun. If you don't like Auburn or bama there probably isn't much reason to read this other than the 1996 experience with Fowler and Herbstreit.

1988 Birmingham AUBURN 15-10: First Iron Bowl and this was a the 3rd straight victory for Auburn. Don't remember much about the game itself, but I remember the guy we sat with had a flask and I had no clue what he was adding to his coke. I also remember someone was sellling a bear bryant velvet painting on the street outside of the Tide and Tiger. However this was the last Auburn victory in Birmingham so I'm glad I got to experience at least one.

1989 Auburn AUBURN 30-20: The biggest game in history. I've only experienced true deathening volume 4 times in my life. When it actually gets so loud that it appears to go silent. That happened no less than 10 times this game. The Herbert Casey down out and down pattern was special for several reasons. First my dad is also named Hebert Casey and it was a play that we had run in the front yard no less than 500 times. I will never witness a bigger, louder, more important sporting event in my entire life.

1990 Birmingham UA 16-7: True hatred for bama begins. Grow absolutely sick of hearing RV's play the bama fightsong in the lot after the game.

1991 Birmingham UA 13-6: first and last Auburn "home game" in Birmingham. It rains and it's cold and Auburn loses. Go home to Tecmo Bowl.

1992 Birmingham UA 17-0: I believe it was close at halftime. I remember chanting DUI at David Palmer and being cold as hell. Think to myself, thank god we get to start playing in Auburn every other year and not tailgate in the ghetto.

1993 Auburn AUBURN 22-14: James Bostic is a beast. The only time I've been in the upper deck of Jordan Hare. Completes a perfect season. No Bowl, No TV, No Problem. Oh yeah and if you're wondering why I go by nixforsix this would be the reason (video).

"With starting quarterback Stan White lying in pain on the turf of Jordan-Hare Stadium and Auburn's undefeated season hanging in the balance against Alabama in 1993, sophomore quarterback Patrick Nix was summoned to the huddle to face a 4th-and-15 at the Alabama 35-yard line with Auburn trailing 14-5 and 6:09 left on the third quarter clock. Offensive coordinator Tommy Bowden relayed the call to the sidelines and "278Z Takeoff" would become a part of Auburn football lore. Nix, without a chance to loosen up, hung the ball up and receiver Frank Sanders pulled it down for a touchdown. Auburn went on to win 22-14."

1994 Birmingham UA 21-14 Winning streak snapped. Went on the field hours after the game. Awful spot by the refs. We were robbed.


1995 Auburn AUBURN Didn't attend but special note. At the end of the first quarter my father and I were still trying to buy tickets outside. Apparently my dad was unwilling to pay $100/piece at the time considering the game had already started. There were about 20 people outside still trying to buy tickets. The scalper gives us a final offer of $200 and then walks away from the stadium b/c he'd rather not sell them than sell them for less than that. After the game join the crowd by the GameDay stage in chants of "Corso Sucks" and "Off with his head!". Don't ever put that GD'd elephant head on again in Auburn.

1996 Birmingham UA 24-23: Kirk Herbstreit had just joined the GameDay crew. He and Fowler walk around the stadium before the game. Cousin Kevin and I say hi to them and follow them on their walk. Two forty year old Alabama fans come up and talk trash to my cousin and I, and aren't ashamed to use profanity. Fowler turns to Kirk and says "I told you it was the biggest rivalry in the nation". This was also my first foray in the world of ticket scalping.

1997 Auburn AUBURN 18-17: Holmes kicks a FG for the ages. I'm only one year away from being a student.

1998 Birmingham UA 31-17: The worst Auburn team in 53 years (Terry Bowden can eat a d*ck) goes out to a 17 point lead behind the electrifying play of one Markeith Cooper. The bammer fans in our section hate Cousin Kevin and myself. 31 straight points by bama and I"m thanking god we never have to play in this awful place again. Truth be told I actually like the stadium and don't mind the surroundings, we just never played well there and it was never a neutral site.

1999 Auburn UA 28-17: Auburn apparently can lose to bama at home. I believe after this game I was reduced to drinking straight gin with my neighbors. That's not exactly true, we had Southpaw to wash it down with. Officially believe any bama fans in the Auburn student section should be shot without reprecussions.

2001 Auburn UA 31-7 Black Saturday

2003 Auburn AUBURN 28-23: So in case you were wondering I never witnessed Auburn beat bama in person as a student because of my refusal to go to Tuscaloosa. I tried to stick around a sixth year but my parents didn't go for it. ESPN start, I'm drunk enough that I sit in the wrong section for my season tickets on the last game of the year. Carnell breaks a run for the ages on the first play and then we hold on for dear life against a crappy bama team.

Can't wait for Saturday, and who knows, I might even take the road trip next year.

One last look

Here is a video of the 4th and 10 pass from Brandon Cox to Devin Aromashodu. You get the ESPN skycam view so you can see the safety let Devin run right past him into the wide open expanses of the middle of the field. Quite beautiful.

Put your thing down flip it and reverse it

The last two weeks of SEC play have lead me to a prediction. The rest of the 2000's in the SEC will resemble the late 90's, except that you switch the roles of the West and the East. Spurrier's rise to quick success is the main reason for this, but also Arkansas, Ole Miss, and Miss St's fall from grace over the last few years.

In the West you have three teams that dominate in Auburn, LSU, and bama. A fourth team that has talent, in Arkansas (like USC of old), and may get an upset and go to a bunch of bowls but will never make it to the championship game. Ole Miss and Miss St. will be lucky to ever pull out a win.

In the East you have a flurry of talented teams who are fighting over the same recruits and their accomplishments depend on schedules, senior leadership, and how the ball bounces that year. I could easily see UGA, UT, UF and USC all making it to the SEC Championship game at least once over the next 5-6 years. I wouldn't think that Vandy would ever be able to pull this off but I didn't think MSU could either. The one flaw in this would be if UGA is able to dominate over the next five years.

It looks like we're about to hit the 13th straight time either UF, UT, or UGA has represented the East in the Championship game. Can't you see Auburn, LSU, and bama running off a similar streak that started in 2003? Meanwhile the the West has sent the same team in back to back years since bama went in 93 (b/c of Auburn's probation) and 94. A simlar streak for the East could have started in 2003. For the record, here are the SEC Championship game results where I snagged this information.

The point of this being that UT, UF, and UGA have had the luxury of a top heavy division for the past decade are about to see what the West has been talking about. It's a different ball game when you have to play a tough game every week and go on the road and deal with injuries in a game that you could actually lose. So expect to see more of UF fighting off Vandy at home in over time and UT losing to South Carolina at home. And at the end of that season you have to face a more rested Auburn, LSU, or Bama who may rattle off 6 straight Championship game victories like the East did from 93-98.

thoughts from the weekend

I go to road games for experiences like Saturday. Sure you could lose and be heckled by opposing fans all day. Or you could witness a win for the ages and just sit back and take in a completely unbridled celebration.

As for the game itself there were a lot of turnovers, penalties, and puzzling calls. Sometimes you get the breaks (Saturday) and somtimes you don't (GT, LSU). What's important is putting yourself in position to win with good talent and coaching. Personally I prefer a lower scoring game as a fan. But it's good to see some fireworks from time to time. Auburn is technically a better team in my mind because we won in Athens, but I'd have trouble saying that we're significantly better. That being said, I don't care how much better we were, or what calls we got, I will cherish this for another year and not let anyone try to take that away from me. And yes I"m talking to the small minority of random UGA fans who were saying things like "roll t*de" and "we'll see you in Atlanta, oh wait, no we won't". That is what I refer to as the mating call of the loser.

and some random thoughts

- Granted the surprise aspect is involved, but I'd shy away from throwing to my non-scholarship full back during a close game in the 4th quarter. Granted you can't predict that he's going to fumble, but he's probably not going to rattle off a 40 yard gain either.

- Most of Auburn's playcalling seemed pretty dead on to me. Initially I thought we passed a little more than we should, but knowing that Brad Lester was injured, I think we ran Kenny Irons about as much as we could have possibly of hoped. The low points of the game would be the turnovers and the defense's troubles.

- I think there are two things that a person can never live down. Throwing up in someone's car and the patented being drunk and thinking your in the bathroom and urinating in a different room of someone's abode. I've know people who have done both in the last month and I'm not sure which is more embarassing and gross. But since I've threw up in someone's car awhile back, I'll go with getting confused on the bathroom as being the less forgivable act.

- I was a little worried about things walking back from Tiger Walk to the quad. People had been drinking for roughly five hours and it was dark. Turns out I had nothing to worry about and I was just having flashbacks of my last two trips to Baton Rouge. However all of the major SEC teams should have the benefit of playing a night game at home on ESPN once a season. Other wise you get a situation like Saturday where fans haven't done if for a few years and aren't exactly sure how much they can handle before the game. It's real easy to show up at your tailgating spot and drink all you can before 2:30, but it's a whole different ball game when you have all day.

- I guess I should have known better than to buy a UGA student ticket but I didn't. Luckily I tried to go into the game a little early, and once denied entrance, had a good 40 minutes to find a friend who still had an ID. So if T Kyle King was looking for someone to give me a handshake after the game, The Crafty Vet's kind act of letting me borrow his old ID will have to do. I've never been so thankful of anything in my life. Since I had already tried to sell the ticket to someone else for the $65 I had just spent on it and failed. Supposedly tickets dropped a little bit before kickoff but not much. One of the harder games I've had to purchase a ticket for. I went into full on panic mode about an hour before the game which is the reason I bought the student ticket in the first place.

- One thing I'll never be in favor of is this rush to get Christmas started. They were playing the Elvis Christmas Album in Ted's Montana grill two weekends ago and they showed the Grinch on TBS last night. I love Christmas more than most and I'm more than willing to wait until after Thanksgiving. You practically have a month to celebrate, that's plenty. Plus it takes attention away from the great Thanksgiving movies like Planes, Trains and Automobiles and umm.. The Big Chill and uh...

- I'll have some thoughts on the bama game throughout the week. After this week there will probably be less focus on football and a return to finding some interesting links and random musings.

oh the memories

Inspired by Hey Jenny Slater's look back at the last 7 Auburn/UGA games, I will now take a brief look back at every game I've attended in person.

1991 Athens UGA 3 -27: I was eleven so I don't remember much. Other than the cops at the gate making my 12 year old cousin remove his cowboy boots because "we have to check for people sneaking liquor into the game". Luckily we didn't start drinking for another few months so we were able to go into the game. As best I remember we parked at a gas station on Baxter (where I would buy beer in 1999 and 2003 ironically) and I thought to myself that campus was pretty ugly. Which to their credit I think school has completely turned around.

A long series of missed games sets in as a result of dreadful family trips to Panama City for my dad's work and church retreats in highschool. And there is nothing like being the only Auburn fan watching the game with 40 some odd Georgia fans. Apparently every touchdown in the 96 overtime game was scored directly in my face. Of course listening to the game on the radio in freezing cold van the next year was plenty of redemption.

1998 Auburn UGA 28-17: As a freshman I endured the worst season of Auburn football in 56 years or some crap like that. Thanks God! Somehow I still haven't started drinking heavily at this point in my life. So I can remember with complete clarity Champ Bailey nearly decapitating Gabe Gross on a safety blitz from the weakside.

1999 Athens AUBURN 45-34: Outstanding. I had planned to meet some uga friends at halftime. Upon watching my team rack up 31 unanswered points I was more than happy to say hello to these lovely girls. Declare Ronney Daniels as god and snag a piece of the hedges. I tailgated and slept at some douchebag fraternity. This would be the start of the flask years.

2000 Auburn AU 29-26: The Dude (seriously CJ's Landing tonight at 10pm), the Intern (i'd be the guy enthralled w/ his beer mentioned today) and the Crafty Vet come down from Athens for the game. I really can't remember anything up until Rudi carrying about 5 guys down to the one in OT. Also all my friends skip the game and go watch it Buffalo's with my dumbass roommate Marshall. Who proceeds to drink to much and pass out at the bar as he is apt to do.

2001 Athens AU 24-17: Friend's from the year before all live at Waterford Place. Decide it's a good idea to peform Boda Geda on the stage at Tasty World during a break in the Dude's set. I declare myself god. Even though he looked outstanding the week before let's just call this one the CADILLAC game. Dude had 40 some odd caries as a freshman. Daniel Cobb exacts revenge on uga like Leard two years before him. Declare Caddy god and snag a piece of the hedges. Later on in the evening the Crafty Vet screams at me for not talking enough trash.

2002 Auburn UGA 24-21: Absolutely love every second of the first three quarters of the game. Caddilac has been out the last 4 games or so and Ronnie Brown is filling in admirably. Until he gets hurt in the 4th quarter as well as Brandon Johnson and Campbell and Smith are unable to produce a first down. Kicking into the wind Duvall decides to shank every punt in the 4th, and Richt switches to max protect and unfortunately the play happens that Atlanta radio will never let me forget by playing every five minutes for the past three years. I take the loss well by getting drunk and driving the Dude and myself to the Supper Club. Somehow manage to make out with a girl at the bar, giver her a ride home, and don't manage to hook up. This would become a trend.

2003 Athens UGA 26-7: In an effort to try and not talk too much trash, I print up flyers with the score of the last 5 Auburn games in Athens. When someone calls me a redneck or barks at me I hand them a flyer and keep walking. Before the game I was unhappy with my upperdeck seat (sat in Auburn student section in NW corner the last two years with band & cheerleaders) so I find a better seat from some "sister of an Auburn player" on the bridge before the game. I walk in and realize I've been bamboozled. The Auburn section is full so I try to walk around to the other endzone on the walkway by the hedges right in front of the Auburn student section. Some guy starts heckling me so I hand him a flyer. Then that guy yells to the mic man to make fun of me. He say something over the speaker and I smugly walk over and hand him a flyer also. I then procede to walk to my seat except for the endzone is blocked off. So I must then walk past the student section and the mic man on my way to an aisle. This does not go well and karma kicks my ass. I eventually find my seat in the scholarship section of the East endzone. I am literally the only Auburn fan in the entire section. I think have to witness the worst offensive play calling in history. Even the 80 year old female UGA alum sitting behind me is asking why Nall won't give the ball to Cadillac.

WIth all due respect to the UGA bloggers who've mentioned it, if Odell Thurman's INT is as loud as Sanford gets, I"m not impressed. Not counting Jordan Hare: UF, UT, and LSU are all much much louder. Regardless the game is over. With three minutes left I start my walk out of the game. Grab a 12 pack of Coors Light at the gas station on Baxter on the way back to the Business sorority. Decide to not let the game get me down, I go out with the Crafty Vet's little brother to the SAE house. Find SAE friend and head to the bar above Topper's. It changes names every couple of months, with my favorite being Boba Fett's.

Anyways so there are two guys playing guitar on stage and they start playing Ryan Adams. So still wearing an orange shirt, blue pants, AU hat, and a shake sticking out of my back pocket I walk up the stage to tip the guy during the song. I accidentally knock the music off his stand and he comes to complete stop. So drastic that everyone at the bar turns to see what happened. I barrage of boos befalls me and I walk over to the bar throw down a $20 and walk out.

I go to meet the Dude at Nowhere Bar, get bored and leave. At some point these blonde uga law chicks ask me to help them get some creepy dude away. I become a hero and continue to walk them down Broad street away from downtown. I throw down some pleasantries and am invited back to their condo. I remember drinking in the kitchen. I wake up in my own nicely furnished bedroom to the door opening. The blonde informs me "hey Auburn dude, my cat's sick and we have to take it to the vet, just lock the door when you leave." I leave about 5 minutes later and realize I'm halfway to the Varsity. Weird end to a weird weekend.

Unforunately that's the last UGA game I attended thanks to the Dude's sister getting married during the game last year. Which lead to me watching the game by myself then showing up drunk to my church with an orange and blue tie on.

Looking for more memories this year. Hopefully tales of the slightly more mature and completely happy will ensue.

Auburn vs. UGA

If you haven't heard me say it this week, let me tell you again, it's impossible to predict who's going to win this game. The two teams are ridiculously even and it's going to come down to the intagibles. If you want to give UGA a slight edge because it's a home game at night and God hates me. I'm cool with that. But since I can't predict the outcome I might as well make some other bold predictions for Saturday.

- I will decide to not drink until 3pm and subsequently break that rule around 1:30. Which will lead to me deciding that I have to take liquor into the game so I won't get a headache. I will regret this decision on Sunday morning no matter what.

- First team to twenty points wins

- Each qb will throw an interception.

- I will curse the horror that is Hwy 316 no less than 5 times. I know that there are other ways to go and avoid traffic but then I would have one less thing to bitch about.

- I will embarass someone I don't know

- Unlike two years ago, I will not get in an argument with UGA's mic man. I wish that story wasn't true.

- Even though I don't currently have a ticket, when I buy one and enter the stadium I will be unhappy with my seat or how much I paid for it. Unless someone gives me a ticket for $40 in the lower level Auburn section by the band.

- I will hug someone I don't know in a loving embrace that can only be reserved for a fellow heterosexual male.

- Unlike year's past I will handle every claim that Auburn cheats, is a cow college, and can't figure out our mascot with more restraint and maturity than I've shown in the past.

and I say this because of a strange incident I had on a UGA blog this week. Though his site is hard to read (white text on black background) T Kyle King runs a blog where he throws down a crapload of stats in a preview for the dawgs upcoming game every week. I chose to respond to a claim he made about Al Borges' effect on Auburn's offense last year. He had this to say:

"The best comment following last night's statistical breakdown, though, came from an Auburn fan logging in using the handle "Beefcakejcc." (I am assuming that is not his real name.) He offered a well-reasoned, well-articulated opinion, he made his point, and he did not overstate his case.

Because of that guy, I'm not looking at Saturday night's game as our annual installment of Armageddon, in which Good (readily identifiable by the "G" on the side of its helmet) tangles with Evil (readily identifiable by the "A" and the "U" on the side of its helmet---hey, nobody ever said Evil could spell). I'm looking at it as a fierce rivalry between longtime adversaries for whom familiarity has bred not just contempt, but also grudging mutual respect. "

To that I have a few things to say

- This definitely has to be the first time anyone has ever commented that one of my arguments is well reasoned and articulated. I'm sure that the Intern and the British Weasel have said the exact opposite many times.

- Actually Beefcake is my real name, kinda. You see my father is Brutus the Barber Beefcake. Because I didn't want to receive improper benefits during Rush I added the jcc to throw people off. So yes, my real name is Brutus Beefcake Jr. It's a curse and a blessing.

- It's silly for me to be angry at UGA fans. Which is easier for me to say now that I don't have to hear about David and David playing peewee football together every five seconds. But seriously, I've had way too many good times in Athens over the years and have too many friends who are UGA grads. So I will look at this as a football game only. I hope with all of my heart that Auburn wins, but I'd like to think I can be classy in defeat. I will now reserve all hatred for bama fans who's incessant talk about "tradishun" and the "bahr" are nauseating.

- That being said, I've enjoyed last year's victory to the upmost. You know other than the fact that I had to miss the game because some douchebag's sister decided to get married on that day. By the way that douchebag is playing tonight at CJ's Landing in Buckhead at 10pm and you should really check him out. But my point is, I really cherished that victory and Auburn's season last year. So I'm glad that I get to hold on the following for at least 24 hours more.

I guarantee it

The picks have been bad recently. Real Bad. If I go 1-4 again I officially qualify to host my own sports call in show. But I have no desire to listen to idiots with bad cell phone reception call in all day wanting to talk about TO. To prevent a job switch, and as a service to you, I"m going to guarantee winning weeks this week and next. So I'm going to give it a 110% this week and and take it one pick at a time.

Last Week: 1-4
Season: 24-23-1

VANDERBILT -12 Kentucky: You don't just walk into Nashville and not expect to get blown out by the utterly perturbed Jay Cutler.

LSU bama under 37 points: Slightly more offensive output than the UT/bama game.

LSU -3 bama: Yeah I"m betting on the same game twice. I think bama can win this game, but how can you feel good about having to get a defensive or special teams touchdown to win. It's like having to watch the 2001 Ravens again. Also whoever bama's new center is better watch out for Kyle Williams. I'd feel really bad if Brodie made this far into the season and got hurt now. And by the way, I've seen it written many places that Auburn fans are going to be pulling for bama this week. Maybe some people are, but don't count me. Now I won't be rooting for LSU either, but let's just say I'd rather take my chances with Ole Miss and Arkansas pulling off an upset. If you've never lived in Alabama you probably won't understand this.

FSU -1.5 Clemson: Really Bobby Bowden should kill Clemson so that Tommy will get fired. Then demote Jeff Bowden and hire Tommy as his OC. Unfortunately the Seminoles will only win by a touchdown and we'll never get to see that chain of events unfold.

WYOMING +4.5 Brigham Young: I'd be lying if I said I knew anything about this game other than the fact that the Cowboys beat Ole Miss earlier in the season and BYU lost to ND.

In case you're starting to think that USC is not the #1 team in the nation this year because their defense is down, ESPN wants to make sure you realize they are just as magnificent as ever. Of course this article cleverly fails to mention certain things like 1) Notre Dame was able to put up numbers on USC and they aren't necessarily a vaunted Pac 10 offense 2) really? the LSU game? you know their first game with a new coaching staff on the road after dealing the fallout from a hurricane obliterating their state? that's what you're basing your argument on? 3) off all your reasoning is bogus anyway. Because USC's D has been able to put up better numbers in recent years. Unless you're telling me that ever PAC 10 offense is infinitely better.

two quick links

courtesty of IMDB.com:

The Onion pretty much throws down this article about Cameron Crowe in my face.

If you have a few hours to kill, here are 100 trivia questions about Office Space.

two links I enjoyed way too much

Responsible spam by McSweeney's

NPR interview with Cameron Crowe talking about movie soundtracks and scores. On my short list of current directors who use music the best I have Crowe, PT Anderson, Tarantino, and in my upset pick John Hughes. I'm probably forgetting someone good, but that's what I got.

Quick thoughts before I get into the meat of the Auburn/UGA game:

- Who is the best offense and defense that UGA has face this year? Vandy or Florida on offense and I guess Florida or UT on defense. I think it's fair to say that Auburn is the best offense and defense that UGA has faced yet.

- That being said I'm not sure if UGA is better or worse than LSU as an offense or defense. Let's just say, instead of playing Auburn this week, if UGA was playing in Baton Rouge at night, who would you pick? How confident would you feel?

- I like that Auburn has crushed every crappy team they've played this year. However, losses to LSU and GT aren't as reassuring.

lot's of enjoyment on the horizon

- first of all I loved Lexington. Bunch of cheap bars and good restaurants in an easy walking distance downtown, cool old houses everywhere. Of course the true highlight was being at the bar on Friday night, ordering a mixed drink and realizing it only costs $3.50. Then realizing that any top shelf liquor on the rocks was the same price. Also, I highly suggest Kentucky Ale. Seriously, Maker's Mark on the rocks for $3.50. Ketel One? $3.50.

- can't say much for UK's campus, stadium, or gameday atmosphere. As far as I could tell the campus consisted of about 20 hospitals, a library, and a football stadium. It was very disappointing to find out that Rupp arena was downtown and looked like your typical new arena. Unfortunately I missed the UK Basketball Museum where you can apparently play formal players in a virtual situation. Consider yourself lucky Cyber Richie Farmer.

- if you love music, you have to go see Elizabethtown. Just shut up and do it. Don't get hung up on cheezy parts or Kirsten Dunst. Just appreciate the great moments and the music. Cameron Crowe just absolutely gets music.

- if by some miracle you are ever driving through East Kentucky on a Sunday, you must listen to this radio program. Sister Betty and Sister Wilma provided me with one of the greatest hours of my life. Words can do it no justice. Just truly awful singers, awful accents, shout outs to their cousins and Elvis, mention of the fact that if you want to donate money to the show they have a jar at the BP Gas Station over on Highway 60 and oh so much more.

- our own Crafty Veteran has started a blog with his thoughts on the NBA. Respect his knowledge.

- Auburn/UGA this week and the Iron Bowl next week. It seems cliche but our Auburn's season basically comes down to these two weeks every year. Which makes it especially nerve wracking.

- It must be an SEC East thing because Kentucky fans wear jean shorts also

quick picks

Last Week: 1-3-1
Season: 23-19-3

ARKANSAS -4 South Carolina: not what I'd call a perfect week for Houston Nutt to pull the redshirt off a qb (late in the year and a tough matchup), but they Nutt for so much money two years ago he's not losing his job anytime soon anyways. Regardless McFadden and Hillis are both hosses and the USC run defense leaves a little something to be desired.

NOTRE DAME -9 The Ghost of Tennessee: I know people wanna pick the Vols because they play well with their back against the wall, and the Irish don't have a meaningful win except for the lackluster defeat of Michigan. But UT sucks this year. I thought their downfall would be their secondary. Turns out the whole team leaves something to be desired. Oh yeah, and Ainge is starting. No way UT can score enough to keep up.

VIRGINIA TECH -6.5 Miami: The Hokie defense is sick. Kyle Wright is not.

Ucla -9.5 ARIZONA: I'm gonna keep taking them until they win a pick for me.

USC -33.5 Stanford: No reason to give human element any second thoughts. And unless I'm confused all of their close games have been on the road.

As for me, I'm heading off to Lexington in the morning. I'm not expecting a huge win. I wouldn't call it looking ahead as much as resting up for the trip to Athens next week. If UGA is gonna get a bye week we might as well treat it like one. If this game was on any type of television, I'd tell you to look for one of Auburn's fourth string safeties, Tristan Davis, to become Auburn's third string tailback as a result of injuries. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say he picks up at least 50 yards. Kid is fast and shares the same name as the British Weasel's little brother.

If you know some can't miss place in Lexington leave a comment.

bama fans

Sometimes I can't tell if I hate bama fans or just feel sorry for them.

Burger King

From Gorilla Mask: apparently that wasn't some old fat dude who took the ball from Farve on Saturday, it was actually the Burger King.

Here is the Deion Sanders one and the Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch w/ Darius Rucker.

Pat Healy: What the hell is Brett Favre doing here?
Brett Favre: I'm in town to play the Dolphins, you dumb ass.

Rocking the same do?

Is it just me, or is Tim Duncan trying to channel some Matt Leinart magic with his new hairdo? He sure is a hell of a lot shaggier then he was in June.