potent potables

Well if you're a girl like you me, and you watch Grey's Anatomy, here's a link
to most of the songs featured this season in an iMix. Unfortunately though they didn't include Break Your Mama's Back by Slow Runner.

So I checked espn.com yesterday for the first time in 2 weeks. How freaking dumb are they? Which is more likely? a) people like myself avoiding espn.com and ESPN during the duration of the Olympics b/c they feel the need to report who won events before they are shown on tv or b) people becoming furious because they aren't getting up to date medal winners on the front page of espn.com and on the ticker of ESPN and the deuce. Seems like a simple answer to me. Of course if they ruin the suspense for you, maybe you will decide to watch UConn and Pitt play a meaningless game instead of watching an American win a Gold medal on NBC. Jackasses! Unfortunately it's not just ESPN, other major websites like CNN.com and Yahoo and also sports talk radio make the same mistake. So during the Olympics and Tour De France, they at least lose one loyal reader/listener.

I heard Weapon of Choice on the radio this morning and gotta a little nostalgic for the video.

And 2 links courtesy of EDSBS:

Chewbaca's blog
Screw up American Idol by voting for the worst contestant each week.

stand up stand up

If you have a favorite comedian, and you want to watch their Comedy Central special from the comfort of your office computer on a slow Friday, this is probably where you should go to find the link.

My personal favorites from the list are Dave Attell, Zach Galafinakis, Dane Cook, and Jim Gaffigan.

son of a.....

Phat Phree made a list of the Top 50 Gayest and Manliest things in life. Of course, we had the idea first but are too lazy to come up with a whole fifty things. There is some overlapping jokes, but we definitely left out some good ones. Some of my favorites: laying out, loving your dad, minor chords, attempted murder, and lip balm.

In case you missed their striped shirt article back in the day, then you must read that immediately.

links and what not

It's more than a little scary when Terrence Moore says what you've been thinking for the last few weeks. People need to chill out with refs. I'm not really a fan of instant replay. Mainly it slows the game down to a crawl, but also because, as a fan in attendance, it cheapens every ounce of excitement. If there is a big play, I now wait until the next snap to celebrate. Otherwise I may be celebrating in vain.

As for the refs, they've gotten slightly worse in the NFL since replay started, but people are over reacting to calls in every sport. Just check out the comments after Moore's article. According to some guy named SteveO "ACC refs are the worst refs I have ever seen in any sports at any level". Seems unlikely to me. I've heard people say the same about SEC football refs. Is it possible that these two conferences just so happen to have fans that take the games way to seriously?

Bad calls suck, but they are going to happen. Deal with it. If your team doesn't get enough calls, maybe you should hire a more prominent coach or a acquire a bigger star player.

Do you think that Pape Sow sings PopoZao" in the shower?

Bomani answered a music questionnaire that I enjoyed and will try to answer myself at some point. But for now, my favorite quote was:

2. Song that makes you dance no matter what?

My Neck, My Back; Khia No, I don't like this song. But women do. And when women dance, I dance. Why? Because I dance to meet women. I ain't the dude just shakin mine while I vacuum.

Also Bomani named dropped the Crafty Vet in this entry.

Hot Tub Johnny finally started the This Place is a Dump website he's been talking about for almost a year.

Will Ferrell is a funny guy. Who else could make a funny iPod commercial?

huh? An effeminate male figure skater

American Johnny Weir isn't changing stereotypes about male figure skaters. I've been known to do some pretty questionable things like set up a Tivo season pass for the O.C. and spend $40 on a haircut. But geez man, have some dignity. I think the average homosexual male would frown upon using the word "princessy" to describe one's self. But I could be wrong. At the very least, I know that Doug Dorsey is rolling over in his grave.

But since we're talking about figure skaters, and I just made a reference to a figure skating movie, let's macho this puppy up a little bit. You may remember in a certain ESPN writer's mailbag a few weeks ago a reader sending in the following:

"Q: Two words -- Tanith Belbin. The hottest athlete I've seen, maybe EVER ... She was SO HOT that I sat there on Thursday Jan.12, and watched an entire three minutes of ice dancing, simply because of Tanith Belbin. She was so hot that I lost all sense of judgement. I was actually saying that the ice-dancing choreography was really good and "Wow, look at her skates!!" I realized afterward that it was similar to the "South Park" episode about Bebe's Boobs. If you've never seen it, this fourth-grade girl starts to get boobs, and all the boys are possessed, thinking all sorts of nonsense like, "Bebe is really smart" and "I wish I could be more like Bebe" ... Then they all start fighting over her like cavemen/monkeys ... All because of her boobs. The moral of all this -- I got sucked in by some hot girl on TV, who I will never even see in person ... She made me watch ice dancing!!! She made me make my friends watch the same performance later that night ... And guess what! They loved her! Even ridiculously hot women on television, who really aren't even physically within 2 feet of you, can make you do things you normally would never think of doing. God bless 'em ... or damn them all to hell. Either way, she's still hot and I will look forward to the ice-dancing championships at this year's Olympics.
-- Blaise, San Diego"

I haven't seen her in action, but I did look her up in Google Images. Sure she's attractive, but "hottest athlete I've seen" wouldn't be the first expression to come to mind. Is she even the hottest figure skater ever? Katarina Witt was still getting it done in her thirties. Katarina was in Playboy awhile back if you want to do a Google image search. Anyways, you be the judge on Tanith Belbin.




and more here, here, here, here, and this collage that appears to have been made at Glamour Shots by Deb.

Running Diary of the SG XL Running Diary

Look, I know it's become cliche to make fun of the Sports Guy in your blog, and there's not much new to say. I have a few rules in life, and this is one of them. Any time Bill Simmons has to keep a running diary of the Super Bowl, I have to keep a running diary of his ramblings. Just so.. you know... I can point out how he never says anything funny or insightful anymore.

6 p.m. - 1) "Bill Belichick nearly throwing a no-hitter as a studio analyst": Boston reference #1.

He also fails to make the following observation that my buddy Connor made " I bet Bill Belichick is a genius in several aspects of life.. like not only football, but I bet he's also really good at Tetris." You know your a child of the 80's when you think that Tetris ability is determining factor in judging whether or not someone's a genius. Yup, these are my friends.

"almost like ABC brought Joe Buck onto the field to scream, "Bill Belichick is awesome right now!"" Bad Announcer Comment #1


"5) Ben Roethlisberger revealing that he grew his playoff beard to look like the heroin addict from "Lost."" Actually in those "I'm going to Disneyworld" commercials he looks exactly like Jim from The Office.

6:11 "For the Seahawks, the same song that ended "Cruel Intentions" ("Bittersweet Symphony") was playing in the background as they came out. Apparently that choice edged out "Everyday Is Like Sunday" by the Smiths and "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt. No way they win now. It's impossible."

God I hate it when Simmons talks about music. I don't know anything about antique restoration. So you probably won't see me comment on it. Bill should have the same policy in regards to music.

6:14 "how fast do you think Dr. John said "yes" to the "Wanna appear at the Super Bowl?" phone call? Two seconds? One second? 0.003 seconds? Did he have to check to make sure he wasn't playing at the Birmingham Holiday Inn?"

God I hate when Simmons talks about music. I wonder if he's ever discovered a band that wasn't featured on The O.C.?

6:22 "Tonight's celebrity coin tosser: The Football Jesus himself, Tom Brady. See, you can't have a Super Bowl without Belichick and Brady" Boston Reference #2

6:40 "Plan B: Kimo von Oelhoffen taking out Hasselbeck's knees. Don't think America forgot that play, Steelers fans. That was your version of the Tuck Rule."

Although the Tuck Rule, did happen during a game involving the Patriots, don't you think Tony Siragusa knocking Rich Gannon out of the 2001 playoffs is a better comparison?

6:44 "I bought a new cell phone over the weekend just so I could have the theme from "Miami Vice" as my ring tone?" If they somehow invented a time machine, do you think Simmons is the only person on earth who would choose to go back to 1986?

"Larry Bird's three straight wins" Boston Reference #3

6:54 "(Speaking of Cameron Crowe movies, we rented "Elizabethtown" this weekend and it became the first rented movie that ever made me walk out"

Now I didn't think this was the greatest movie ever, but given SG's prior taste for music and movies this is pretty predictable. And you know, it's no Karate Kid or Vision Quest. Now those were great movies.

7:03 "ultradubious offensive pass interference call on D-Jack from tonight's back judge, Dick Bavetta." Referee's Suck Comment #1

7:09 "Madden on Hasselbeck and Big Ben (I'm tired of typing Roethlisberger): "I've never seen a quarterback at the Super Bowl as cool as these guys." (Whoa! Who's more upset right now, Joe Montana or Tom Brady? And where does that rank among the most ridiculous sentences ever said? Top 10? Top 20? Even Paul Maguire was shocked by that one.)" Bad Announcers Comments #2 & 3.

7:43 "Yet another shaky call goes Pittsburgh's way. " Referee's Suck Comment #2

8:06 "two weeks ago because the Celtics finally traded "Ricky Pierce." Boston Reference #4

"It is like me writing a 3,000 word column on Doc Rivers for ESPN.com -- in other words, they have to do it to keep the record company happy, and I have to do it to keep everyone from Boston happy, but the end result is that 95 percent of the fans are ticked off"

Realizing that you have a problem is half the battle. Now realize that if only 5% of your fan base wants to read about Doc Rivers then it's probably not a good idea to krank that one out. I mean at least 10% of your fanbase wants you to breakdown Grey's Anatomy and Melrose Place Jack Ramsey style. So technically that would be an improvement plus, can you imagine the tremendous upside of that article.

8:36 "Madden mentions Alan Faneca's name five times in 40 seconds. He made the key block on that TD run. Alan Faneca. Faneca. Alan Faneca. F-A-N-E-C-A." Bad Announcers Comments #4

8:39 "(set by the Patriots in Denver only three weeks ago)." Boston Reference #5

9:08 "I need a ruling here: Is Wrentham, Mass., now officially known as the home of Lofa Tatupu ... or is it still the home of outlet malls for gum-chewing local females with big hair and stone-washed jeans? Because it can't be both." extremely obscure Boston Reference #6


9:09 "After Big Ben overthrows a third-and-2 pass, the cameras catch Bill Cowher making the "I can't believe I have to pay for three freaking weddings!" face. Whoops, that was the "I can't believe my team could blow a Super Bowl in which we had a 14-3 lead with first down from the Seattle 11" face. My bad" Isn't it time to induct the Bill Simmons Face? You know the "sitting in front of the lap top" spiteful guy looking confused at what to type, then he gets a little grin on his face when he remembers he can use one of the jokes he's been making for the past 6 years. Then the Sports Gal probably whispers over the Sports Baby "you still got it honey".

9:11 "I think Madden is trying to combine tonight's announcing with his recording session for "Madden 2007."" Bad Announcers comment #5

9:18 "shouldn't the refs just replace the yellow flags with Terrible Towels at this point?" Referees Suck Comment #3

9:23 "horse-collar tackle on Alexander by Joey Porter that wasn't called (apparently you have to blow out someone's ACL to draw a flag on a horse-collar tackle, and nothing less)" Referees Suck Comment #4

9:36 "Finally, a call goes Seattle's way!" Referees Suck Comment #4

I'm starting to get the feeling that if Bill lived in Seattle, he's the type of guy that would complain about the rain every day. "It's raining for the 35th day in a row here at the SG Mansion. I've seen catholic girls at Holy Cross accept sexual advances more often than the sun shines here."

9:50 "I'm officially in "the Patriots would have killed either of these teams" mode." Boston Reference #7.

Doesn't Bill know I went to Auburn? I going to need a calculator in a minute to keep up.

10:00 "See, this is what happens when you have a Super Bowl without the Patriots." Boston Reference #8

I'm now setting myself on fire and peeling off my own skin while making the Mike Martz face. I wish my buddy Famer Ted would send me an email about wrestling.

10:04 ""Can we give the Super Bowl MVP to the officials?" joke." Referees Suck Comment #5

10:16 "and then the Patriots' music would have started playing, followed by Belichick and Brady emerging to a chorus of boos" Boston Reference #9 The upset of the night might be that he at no point mentioned a steel chair or Jim Ross during this paragraph.

Judging from SG"s running diary, I'm pretty sure that the Celtics beat the Patriots because the referees jobbed the three time Super Bowl champs, and what made it all the worse was that the announcing crew sucked. It's cool though b/c halfway through the game he turned off the sound and listened to the new Fall Out Boy CD and watched Knight Rider on his video iPod.

I think there is something to be learned from this whole experience. It sucks when people talk about the same old things over and over again. So I will never mention B*ll S*mmons on this site again. His time has come and gone.

Also, I'd like for this site to be somewhat amusing, so I'm going to keep it simple. Couple of posts a week. Hopefully one entertaining commentary a week, and a collection of the best links I find each week,

Beware the Blue Laws

In general you should beware of blue balls as well, but for right now I'm just going to talk about the government's attempts to curb my drinking. You see, tomorrow on Super Saturday, I will be making a trip to buy beer. Will I drink it on Saturday? No. Thanks to the backwards ass laws in Georgia, I can not buy beer on Sundays. So if I wan't to enjoy a tasty beverage while watching the Seahawks shock the Steelers, I must channel my old boy scout knowledge and be prepared.

This sucks for a few reasons:

1) If you forget to buy beer on Saturday...you're screwed. Or you have to at least raid your liquor cabinet. Which is a problem because it's easy to have a few beers and relax while watching the game. However it's quite hard to have a bourbon on the rocks and proceed at a casual pace.

2) You buy beer for Sunday, but because you have the self control of an 8 year old, you drink all of it on Saturday night.

3) Even if you remember to buy beer and don't drink it ahead of time, there are still a couple of potential pitfalls. Typically, one of your friends doesn't remember to buy beer on Saturday so he tries to mooch. Which leads to the second problem of what to do when you run out of beer? You can either switch to liquor if you have any, quit drinking, drive drunk to a bar and drink, or drunkenly drive to Tennessee or Auburn to buy beer.

Why do we still have blue laws? I mean it's not like a majority of voters are still outraged at the idea of buying beer on Sunday at grocery store. If i don't show up to church sober, I'm probably not going to show up drunk either. Just a guess, but I think no politician has the balls to attach his name to something like this. Something tells me that in the South if you do something that can later be construed has pro-drinking, it may come back to haunt you in a smear campaign. Otherwise I see no reason.

About halfway through my time at Auburn, local store owners managed to get a Sunday alcohol sales referendum up for vote. The only people who opposed it were bar owners who were allowed to sell alcohol on Sundays and stood lose a lot of business. I have to think if a small christian town like Auburn can pass a bill, surely Atlanta could do the same.

In the meantime, I'll continue to mooch off my good friend David when I forget to purchase beer on Sunday. You see David is smart enough to keep a safety case of beer in his room for emergencies. The brilliance of it being that it's not refrigerated. So you can't drink it by accident in a drunken stupor while looking through the fridge on a Saturday night. In addition to being a skilled drinker, David also has started a mega sweet blog that deals with life's greater issues like horse racing and who keyed his car.

Now my Super Bowl Betting Tips. As always I recommend sportsbook.com and if you decide to start an account, please refer beefcakejcc. Anyways, here are the bets I like:

Seattle +4.5

Coin Toss: heads (even money) My personal favorite bet. 50% chance, and you know right away if you won or lost. And for the record tails is favored at -105. Do you understand that? The coin toss is absolutely, with a doubt a 50/50 probability. No matter what, and sportsbook is giving the edge to tails. How can you in good conscience not put money on heads?

Team to receive opening kickoff: Seattle -115 When Seattle calls heads and wins the toss, they are going to start on offense. This one is simple. Cowher is a defensive coach and Holmgren is an offensive coach. Holmgren want to put points on the board first and Cowher wants his defense to impose their will on Hasselback and Alexander and break their spirit.

Hines Ward Total Receptions: Over 4.5 (-165) There is nothing in the stats to suggest this. I just have a good feeling about it. Hines is pretty clutch and I got the felling he wants a ring.