Park it

Well this is just about the most addictive and fun online game I've played in awhile.

Auburn stuff

You're on Notice: Thanks to EDSBS for showing me how to put the college football world on notice.



Also from WarDamnTailgate, Chaste Chad's Mediatation XXVI. And speaking of Pluto, in case you missed it, everyone has pretty much decided to go with My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nachos. I know nine pizzas sounds more filling, but hey, you do what you can.

And my own personal Auburn vs Washington State preview:

I've been going back and forth on this game. Not whether Auburn wins or loses, rather if we will cover the spread or not. 14.5 points seems like an easy enough spread to cover for a Top 5 team playing at home against one of the worst teams in the PAC 10 last year. But something like 5 of their losses were by 4 points or less. Auburn also has a new defensive coordinator in Will Muschamp, as well as recent inability to win openers against quality opponents, and a host of new players on the defense.

This game screams 38-23 to me. Which would be a push or a win depending on where you get your betting lines. The Cougars should be able to take advantage of one young safety and one average one for a couple of long pass TDs. I also think the Cougs will move the ball some but stall in the red zone due their lack of a running game.

On the other side of the ball, WSU has recently lost two starters on the defensive line for the game. But all everything DE Mkristo Bruce is still available and should be rushing at Cox all day. However, I see Cox handing the ball off a ton. After going back and watching the Tech game recently, it's just plain silly that we abandoned the run so much (as Borges has admitted). I assume we were waiting until we finally got the lead, to start pounding it again. But we never got that chance as a result of a plethora of INTS trying to get the lead. I imagine Auburn will be running the ball at least 65% of the time. It's gonna be scary for a lot of teams as long as Kenny Irons and Brad Lester both stay healthy. The passing game is a bit of an unknown with Courtney Taylor being the only proven commodity. However having an experienced QB and the ability to effectively use play action all night should help.

Auburn had three losses last year. Two of those featured a common problem. GT and Wisconsin were able to control the clock and move down the field by using their power running game to exploit the lack of size up the middle of Auburn's defense. WSU will have no such luck. A passing offense is plays to the strengths of this Auburn defense. David Irons and Johnathon Wilhite make up possibly the best cornerback duo in the conference. Groves and Gunn may not be the best run stopping DE's in the league, but they are two of the better pass rushers. And our undersized but quick linebackers can blitz and cover receivers (Starters Herring and Debe are both former starters at safety). This lighting quick defense may face trouble in LSU, Arkansas, UGA, and Alabama, but they are primed to hassle a team like Washington State all night.

War Damn Eagle!

I'll have my weekend picks up tomorrow. Though right off the bat I'll tell you I'm abandoning the 5 picks a week formula. I'm just going with my gut on every game I like. Be it 2 games or 8 each weekend. The ultimate goal is to hit a 60% win percentage on the year no matter what it takes.

Season Premier Schedule

Tivo.com has a list of the premiere dates for every network show this fall. Lost, Family Guy, the Simpsons, How I Met Your Mother, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, My Name is Earl, The Office, Gilmore Girls, the OC, Twenty Good Years, and 30 Rock will be making my initial Season Pass list this year. And yes I'm aware that three of those shows are incredibly gay. I think South Park will be having new episodes at some point this fall. 24 and Scrubs will both debut in January or February.

Even the season ends up this week or next, now seems like a good time to tell you that It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia on FX is a hilarious and outstanding show. Right now they are showing two episodes between 10 and 11 every Thursday night. They make me laugh. Also, if anyone else has been watching these, doesn't it piss you off when that Shaun Alexander Madden commercial uses the Sunny theme song? It throws me off every time. The best part of that show is the first 3 minutes each week. There is some ridiculous set up, then the title screen comes up, and then cue the music. Then I laugh throughout the entire theme song imagining what the rest of the episode is going to entail. That Madden commercial ruins that for me a bit.

As for the Summer run of HBO shows. Entourage was ok (minus the Dom episodes that were awful) I thought the episode in the Valley was one of the best ever, but there were also some forgettable episodes. Lucky Louie started out with a bang and then stayed watchable the whole season because of a few great lines each episode. And Tourgasm was an all out disaster. This show made me hate Dane Cook. He's just a douche plain and simple. I thought his first two cd's were really funny, and I'm sure his next one will be as well. But he's just ruined for me as a person. God that was an awful show.

Soft rock out with your soft c@ck out

Acoustic cover of Hey Ya. It starts a little slow, but like the original song, it's strangely addictive.

CFB TV Schedule

Pretty intensive list of all the games being broadcast on tv this year. Keep in mind that all games are listed in Central Time. Which brings up a good question. Why the hell is Boston College playing at Central Michigan on Thursday at 5pm CST. It kinda makes sense that a team like BC would have to play a home and home with a MAC team. And I reckon CMU will do anything to get on national tv. But it seems like ESPN2 would have a hard time pulling good numbers for the 1st half of the game considering that a majority of the country will be at work or driving home. Seems like it would be smarter to start the CMU/BC game and hour after the MSU/USC game instead of before. But hey that's just me, and I'll end up watching them both anyways.

I'm not going to lie

I've never put much stock into what Danny Sheridan has had to say. But I'm a little bit shocked by his bold statements. Let's just say he's not a big fan of Mike Shula and he's pretty high on Auburn this year. I wouldn't be surprised if bama fans across the state were organizing a boycott of USA Today.

Also his preseason SEC rankings seem to look a lot like mine. The big difference being that he has Arkansas ahead of bama.

Conan You Magnificent Bastard

*

Really and Truly

Every year I watch ESPN, read articles online, read predictions, and every year I'm disappointed. Why are there no good college football analysts? If Gameday is the number one college football show in America, couldn't they find one guy that actually knows college football inside and out? In a word.... NO. See here is the problem with reporting on college football. There are just too many teams.

Apparently Phil Steele know his shit and puts out one hell of a preseason mag. And maybe next year I'll pick it up. He has a team of people that chart all the different games and follow the fan sites and local newspapers on every team. Then they all report back to him. He basically watches 20-25 games a week throughout the football season thanks to numerous DVRs, and then during the offseason watches every game again. So this guy basically does everything possible to know as much as can be expected. So why the hell isn't he on tv. I don't care about his Q rating or whether or not he's attractive. I want someone who can tell me what I should expect from each game.

If ESPN is running Gameday on ESPN, and Gameday lite on ESPN2. Why on earth wouldn't Fox Sports try to attract a different audience that cares about the game more than the pomp and circumstance? What you really would need is a show with a host that knows some general knowledge about the college football landscape. Then add six co-hosts who focus on each conference in depth. On the average Saturday, you have a two hour show, where each co-host gets 15 minutes to break down each of his conference's games. If it's a in conference game or against a weaker sister he breaks it down solo. If it's an intersectional matchup you bring in the corresponding cohost. Each game preview breaks down the the matchups for each team, recent trends, coaching, etc. Do not, and I repeat, do not give me a five minute fluff piece on how some quarterback overcame being fat and having a lazy eye as a child.

The idea that one person can have any sort of educated opinion on the top 25 teams is ridiculous. So let's just give up on that. If you're going to be a pundit, find a conference or region and stick to it. If I didn't have a job, I could probably keep up with 5-6 other schools as well as I keep up with Auburn. And I'm pretty good at predicting Auburn's results. Especially from a win/loss stand point.

But let's face it. A show like that isn't going to happen. Networks know that the football fan is going to watch no matter what. They have to add the puff pieces and fan reaction shots to get the casual fan and women to watch. So maybe a better question is, why hasn't anyone started a website like this yet?

CollegeFootballNews.com is probably as close as anyone has come. But from the best I can tell they have like three writers. They do their best and provide a preview for every game, but I"m just not sure how much info they can track down by themselves. To have a really amazing site, you'd probably need six full time writers with six part timer helpers, and then one or two web guys.

What I want is for each writer to have a daily recap of what's going on around the conference. Tidbits from practice reports, injuries and not just a list but how it will actually affect the team, new recruits, areas of need etc. Then maybe a column a week highlighting something interesting. The main guy would cover the top 5 or 6 teams in the conference and then the part time assistant would compile the best info about the lesser teams and submit it the main conference guy. It wouldn't be reporting so much as blogging. So the accuracy of each conference/team reports would be reliant on the ability of the local newspaper and message board/fan sites for that conference or team. But it's better than what we currently have.

So as a reader, you'd be at least able to keep up with your conference or team, with about 20-30 minutes of reading a day. Then of course the main page of the site would announce the biggest stories from around the country each day, even though ESPN already has that covered to some extent. Then if you put that site in conjunction with something like CFB Stats (which btw was made by an Auburn grad) then you have your one stop shop for everything college football.

The other cool thing to have on the site is every teams all time record, season by season schedules and results, and list of conference and national champions. It'd be nearly impossible, but it'd also be cool to have every teams roster season by season.

Once you had all of that. I'd be a happy man.

Happy Birthday Smamich

golf

So on the way into work this morning I'm made aware that Tiger Woods won the PGA yesterday by five strokes. Which really isn't surprising other than the fact it was the first time I had heard this. I think I watched a couple of minutes Friday and Thursday because it was in HD and didn't really bother turning it on again.

There used to be a time where I watched every minute of every major for golf and tennis. Now I only watch the Masters religously. I don't know if it's a matter of work taking the thrill out of watching the weekday broadcasts in real time, or sleeping on the weekends or what. I just know that I don't really give a damn anymore.

An Open Letter to the Milf Hunter

Dear Milf Hunter,

First let me say that you sir, are a man's man. You've made me a better person over the last couple years we've known each other. For example, I now know that I should never wear underwear when I plan on going cougar hunting, it will only ruin the mood later. It also turns out I've been approaching women the absolutely the wrong way. One should never approach a tasty dish at a bar, that's where all the teases hang out. If you want a real sex kitten you should drive around the neighborhood, hit up the local food court, or scan the action at a nearby playground. Oh and always make sure to bring a friend and a camera along. Your "thumper" technique is revolutionizing the game like Kareem's sky hook or the long shafted putter. Quite simply, you've taught me how to love a woman and scold a child.

But I've got a bone to pick with you. Lexxi, Zoe, or Trixie have fallen prey to your irresistable charm and they're starting to take of their clothes or pleasure you and then BAM! Your dumbass camera guy feels the need to chime in. It's like nails on a chalkboard. This guy is Grade A creepy. When I'm about to clean the pipes the last thing I want to hear is your douchebag amigo say something like:

"fucking rock her, buddy" "give her something to remember us by"

"put that ass out to me girl... put some arch in it"

"let them breasts breath"

"once you get that oil on there it's kinda hard to hold them huh?"

I mean, I don't want to call you out, but, it's kinda gay to have your friend in the room while you're railing some chick. I understand it's a business and somebody's got to film it but couldn't you at least tell him to shut the fuck up? It's not like he's dropping some Colin Farrel quality lines like "if a fucking camera could blush it would be fucking red because you are so fucking pretty." This dude is just barking out directions. The only thing that could ruin the mood more is this commentary was being supplied by your mother.

So Mr. Hunter, if you want us to remain cyber buddies, you're gonna have to give your talkative camera jockey the old heave ho.

Deepest Regards,
Old School Nasty

P.S. The links for Xenia's movies are broken

ba dunka dunk dunk

Holy Jeebus, somehow Jessica Biel developed a J-Lo type arse. The link to WWTD.com has a plethora of pictures of this phenomenon. The only way I know how to explain how hot Jessica Biel is the fact that I've seen the cinematic disaster that was Summer Catch.

Eventually I'll grow tired of this

Arkansas names Johnson starter at QB

"Nutt said Dick wouldn't be ready for Arkansas' opener Sept. 2 against Southern California, and the team needs to move forward with a clear No. 1 quarterback. He hopes Johnson will be helped by having more experience than at this time last year."

Penis jokes aside, that means the Razorbacks will be facing USC with the same crappy QB they had last year and without the manbeast they call McFadden. On the plus side though, their offensive coordinator was coaching high school ball at this time last year.

I'd like 5 Krystal Chicks and Internet Access please

Here's a list of all the free places you can get free wi-fi in Atlanta and the rest of Georgia. If you live in another state, visit the main site WiFiFreespot.com. I would think one of the better ways to take advantage of this is fantasy football and sports bars with wi-fi. Of course that immediately eliminates any interaction with the ladies and begs comparisons to The Rick, The Schwaab or any other ESPN personality that's first name is "The".

Which brings me to an idea i've had about the future of my tailgating setup. For the last couple of years there has been a debate about whether or not to buy a power generator (deep cylcle marine batteries have been suggested), Direct TV, and set up some sort of easily portable TV. So you don't miss out on sitting around and watching football all day while you're tailgating.

Then I got to thinking. Don't most dorms and/or academic building on campus have wi-fi at this point? If not they surely will in the near future. So here's what I'm thinking would go a hell of a lot easier. Buy a Slingbox, which hooks up to the tv/dvr at your house, and then sends the information over the internet. So you take your laptop to the tailgate, us a combo of battery power or hooking up to the cigarette lighter, and watch games all day on your laptop a few hundred yards from the stadium. Sure the screen isn't as big as a TV, but it's a lot easier set up. Plus, you can use it other times of the year. You can now watch the NCAA tourney, the Masters, etc at work or on vacation.

So the only question is, how easy is it to get wi-fi on campus? I haven't really tried in awhile, but if almost everyone I know can get it from a nearby home or apartment, surely there is some place to pick it up on a college campus.

Marcus Giles?

Well I have to admit it. Until last week I just assumed that Jevan Snead, the potential starting QB for Texas, was black. Turns out he's white and it's pronounced like Jevin instead Javon. It just seemed to make sense that Jevan was in the Vince Young mold of qb while other frosh signal caller Colt McCoy was your traditional type of drop back passer. Well I was wrong. That's why I make SEC preseason predictions and not Big 12 ones.

The Coaches also listed their Preseason Top 25. The top 10 are Ohio State, Texas, USC, Notre Dame, Oklahoma, Auburn, West Virginia, Florida, LSU, Florida State and because of the Bomar situation I'll throw in Miami at #11. Of those teams I feel pretty confident that the following teams will not go undefeated: USC, Notre Dame, Oklahoma, Florida, and LSU. So that would leave Texas, Ohio St, Auburn, WVU, FSU, and Miami. The UT/OSU and FSU/UM matchups cut that down to 4 of the top 10 teams that I think have a legitimate chance of going undefeated. Which sounds about right. Then you figure someone ranked lower like Louisville, Michigan, or Iowa has a shot as well. Just my thoughts, of course I thought taking the field against USC for MNC last year was worth putting 10,000 on. I was right, but it came down to a last second scramble by Vince Young.

And for the record, the season must be approaching because I'm getting nervous and negative and now hoping that Auburn can at least go 9-3. But they have a shot and a ton of talent. It's just ridiculous how many close calls and luck it takes to go undefeated.

Coming to Grips

I've come to accept my plot in life. I have faults and I've endured trials and tribulations. I'm not good at math, I'm lazy, despite my arguments to the contrary I'm merely an average athlete, and I've been burdened with an abnormally large penis. But really more than anything I've come to realize that I'll never be this manly. Look as much as I want to, I'm probably not capable physically or mentally of catching a ginormous catfish with my bare hands. Yeah I watched Kevin Bacon catch a fish with his hands in Whitewater Summer, and subsequently wasted my next 500 trips to the beach trying to achieve the same feat. But I failed. Repeatedly. So my hat is off to you Don Brewer. In my mind you deserve your own Bud Light Real Man of Genius commercial. Mister Bare Handed Catfish Catcher.

OK GO - Here it Goes Again

Well this is just fantastic

The H. is O.

Videos of the 10 Best Will Ferrel SNL Skits

Also, in case Mel Gibson hasn't told you already, the Jews are trying to stop JK Rowling from finishing the Harry Potter series..

(from Gorillamask.net)

Practice Starts Tomorrow

So it's time to start thinking about college football once every 10 minutes. Check out Map Gameday. The site has preselected major college stadiums on Google Maps, and asks for users to pinpoint specific locations around the stadium. So log on and point out the closest liquor store to Sanford Stadium, how to find that bar Calhoun's down by the river at Neyland, or pointing out exactly where Tiger Walk is (as I did earlier today).

I could have used this site numerous times the last few years. Where to park? Where to drink? These aren't things I innately know about Fayetteville or Lexington. Just a fantastic idea. Plus you can also switch over to Google satellite mode on a lot of these.